Radical and Crazy Love

**now I'm back. Kids are asleep. Fred is gone. House is quiet. Maybe I can think. And publish this myself when it's done. **

As I was saying, Lately I've been putting so much effort into house, school, crafts, behavior, that I'm finding myself drained when evening rolls around. It seems that all of my updates are roughly 400 words; I can only think in facebook posts now? Sad, yes.

Okay, and, really, it's partly because I don't know who reads this. I know that about 80 peeps visit this online home a day, but I don't want to take the time to find out who (and, really, I consider that an invasion of privacy anyway, but don't get me started.) I share things on FB with approx. 500 "close friends." And somehow THAT makes me more comfortable? I don't know. Weird logic.

This is what's up lately:

I'm reading several new books that I've bought through Amazon and Paperback Swap:

Radical by David Platt, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Raising a Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka , Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey, and A Kick in the Seat of the Pants by Roger Von Oech, to name a few.

Yep, I'm working on many areas of my life simultaneously. I do this so I can grab whatever sounds right at the moment. I can't live out my life in each area separately-- God, marriage & parenting, homeschool, art, mental & emotional health, relationships and ministry-- and I can't put all else aside to get one area perfect. They work hand-in-hand; I may need that "kick in the seat of the pants" for artwork, but it has to come with the raising of my spirited children, while I live radically and effectively for a God who crazily loves me, and I Him.

Phew, mouthful.

Have you read any of those? I'm being challenged in several areas, and would love to discuss the books with anyone who is interested.

I have several things heavy on my heart: adoption is at the forefront right now. We're not financially stable or able. We don't have the space to even qualify. But it weighs on me. I know there are kids out there who need a home desperately and here we are WILLING, open, but unable. It's a sad thought. And when I think of orphanages, mental institutions overseas... all the kids who just need hugs and kisses, safety and warmth and food... that breaks my heart. And here I am, in my quaint little "cottage," living "below poverty" in America, but I have two vehicles paid off, no debt except my house... I have heat and air, plenty to eat, too many clothes and shoes... and yet I'm considered poverty? Really? C'mon, I have a computer. Two actually. And a camera. Cell phones. A tv and dvd player, and so, so, so much more that I don't need. While others go without the very basics.

Guys, I want to go. Part of me desperately just wants to get rid of everything, pack up my family, and take off to care for children who need it. I may not have the money to send, or the ability to adopt right now, but I know I could help if I was there. Ah, and here's where I've crossed the "safety line" on voicing my thoughts. Too much already?

In other perhaps disjointed thoughts, I'm all over the map with what to do in my home. I've been getting rid of a lot of things, and really wish I could live an extreme minimalistic lifestyle at times (if Fred would let me!) Less to care for, less to clean, less to worry about, more room for Real Things. I'm trying to keep what really matters to me, things that make me happy and fill our lives with joy. No more of the "this is what it's supposed to look like." Who cares if wicker is "in" (and I don't know if it is or isn't, just sayin'.) I like bright colors, textures, my own artwork and my kids', hidden joys to find, memories around.

I want reminders, here and there, of what we're really here for. So the other stuff is going.

And on the parenting front, I'm trying so hard to teach with love and patience. I believe in making learning fun and hands-on, challenging but not frustrating. I believe in going at their own pace, but giving enough of a push to show that I hold great confidence in their abilities.

I'll share a recent conversation that I posted on facebook, though:

O (3-year old): "T, I don't LIKE you!"
T(6): {gasps} "Mommy, he says he doesn't LIKE me!"
Me: "For crying out loud, yes you do. O, go to time-out and apologize to T."
O: "FINE. I'm SORRY that I DON'T LIKE YOU."

{sigh} We're not perfect. I'm trying. I'm trying to teach them how to respect & respond, but sometimes I'm just exasperated, you know? I often ask them, "Do I treat you like that? Then why would you treat your brother like that? Is that how you want to be treated?" The boys seem to love each other to pieces one minute and fight like cats and dogs the next. We're working on it.

Now onto my next thought (kids -->school-->art)

I love art. As do my kids. I believe God made us this way, fitted together perfectly,

to take pleasure in it, encourage each other, and develop these skills.

But I ask myself, "For what?" For pleasure? In part, certainly. But I believe there's more.

Did you know that an average elm tree has 6 million leaves? wow.

God was detailed, delighted, amazing... the mountains, sunsets, dandelions blowing in the wind... it was all to shout His Name. Isn't that why, at least in part, he equipped us with creative abilities? For delight and to shout His Name? How can I do that??

And last, for now, I've been thinking again and again about this: The Awe of God. Who am I? I mean really, who am I? One more face? One more tiny little person, among billions. Can I really do anything at all? Well, certainly not as one detached cell. But as a part of a magnificent Body with a purpose, place, and call? Yes! I want this one little cell here to be alive and well, acting in conjunction with the rest of the parts to do something worthwhile. I just need to remember that my part won't be the same as so-and-so's part.

I might be a star peg, but God has a star-shaped spot just for me, as insignificant as I may feel at times.

And so the nightly rambling comes to an end. This is what happens when you turn off the filter for a few minutes. ;)

Thoughts?