The "big" family - comebacks

After reading and laughing at this post from the Joyful Chaos, I realized just how many comments I've heard and filed away over these past 12 years.

Nowadays anything over 2.5 is "big family," right?
After NatureMan was born, I was told several times, "You have the perfect family, a boy and a girl so you can be done now." Yes, people actually said that out loud. As if they knew what perfect was for my family. ha. It might very well be perfect for his or hers or yours, but certainly not for everyone.

When I kept getting pregnant, the comments became:
"You know what's causing that, right?"
Depending on my mood, I'd answer:
a: "Yes, and I like it."
b. "Yes, but if YOU don't, go ask your Mom."
c. "No TV in the bedroom."
d. "Whipped cream and sleeping kids."

Or the "My, you have your hands full."
This is a tricky one, because the tone of voice and expression say a lot more than the words. I've had sweet little ladies say that in the kindest, most sincere way... and rather mean shaking-head midlifers say it in a tone that implied they would pay for my tubes to be tied.
Possible answers depend on the intention of the comment, naturally:
a. "We can’t figure out where they’re all coming from!"
b. "You should see how many I left at home!"
c. "I'd rather have them full than empty."
d. "Full hands and fuller hearts."
e. "I don't know how I survived before all these little helpers came along!"

Where I live large-ish families aren't everywhere, but they're not exactly rare either. We're in a very homeschool friendly state, and our county has more homeschoolers than any other county in AR. There's a lot of encouragement and understanding from most people. But there's always some who just can't mind their own business. Curiosity is fine and dandy, and I'm completely happy to honestly answer sincere questions... but nosiness or judgement isn't as easy to deal with.

I have 4 kids (3 boys, back to back), and I often take on a few "strays," whether it be my niece and nephew or neighbor kids or families who drop by for playdates. I've actually had people stop and ask if I run a daycare. ;)
The other day I was babysitting my sister's kids, the neighbor boy came over, and a friend and her three kids stopped by to play. My friend Tob and I chatted just fine, while 10 kids played inside and out. If anything, it was easier having them all here together-- everyone had a person to pair up with or a group to join!

Being part of a large family means there's always someone to play with...having friends with large families just doubles that fun.
I've written about the benefits of large families before. :)

Anyway, when I tote my four along I hear "the basics" a lot. The answers aren't all my own. I've scribbled them down, from time to time, to have witty comebacks to the most common questions.

Q. Are these all yours?
a. "Now why on EARTH would I take other people's children grocery shopping?"
b. "No, that one (point at kid) found me in the cereal aisle and won't leave!"
c. "Yep, and seven more at home!"

Q. Are you going to stop now?
a. (Actually we're done, but that's none of their business, so I tell them honestly) "I'd love to have more, these ones are darlings!"
b. "Nope! My husband and I are very intelligent people, and believe we should pass on these great genes as much as we can. Why did you stop having kids?" (okay, I've never actually said that, but I'm tempted!!)

I discovered several years ago that when I look like a tired, haggard mom of four, unruly children, I will be looked upon and treated like a tired, haggard mom of four, unruly children. We shouldn't live to please others or live up to their expectations, but we CAN be the best versions of ourselves. Because I'm a Dresser-Upper and I truly feel the best when I'm brushed and curled, dolled up and artsy, I try to start most days like that. When I feel good, people can tell. Which means, folks, that people can tell my kids aren't dragging me down; they lift me up. I'm so much more likely to dance when they're around, and do crafty projects, and jump on the trampoline. There are rough days, of course, but for the most part, having kids is its own best reward. And others should be able to see that in us.

Like SuzanneP said, I'm saddened for the person who sees a large family, and shakes their head. "Because I knew he would never. Never, mind you, know the joy of knowing each of those faces up there. He would never.never. be able to see them as different little people with individual personalities. I knew he would never. never. know the joy they can bring."