dealing with sandwiched criticism

Ooookay, then. I'm going to do something I've never done: publicly address a private email sent to me. Because, first of all, I don't really know the sender. Second, if this is how I come across, or these concerns are shared by others, then I want to deal with that. And, lastly, this is my space. I appreciate constructive criticism, really. And I do want to know what you think, how you feel. I did specifically ask for thoughts...
I appreciate some of this; good rule of thumb used: if you're going to criticize someone, manage to use a "praise sandwich." Good work. ;) I do appreciate many things you said.

Wendy, you really lay your feelings out big time, something that I could
never do.

I never realized that I was a PEEP, but if the shoe fits, so be it.

I urge you to read your second paragraph over and concentrate on what it means in
reference to the remainder of your written thoughts and wishes. Sometimes
quality over quantity is the better.

You have children that you put a lot of love and effort into for their future. I have been amazed that you home-school all, and I wonder how long you can carry this out, especially with the age differences. There is a lot ahead for you to think about.

You yourself are very multi talented and have the appearance of being very good at each (something others would love to have).

Again don’t overload as this can have a telling affect. I probably said more than I should, but I wish you the best.
Take Care

When I read this, I immediately took out the second paragraph of my last blog post, that he's referring to:

As I was saying, Lately I've been putting so much effort into house, school,
crafts, behavior, that I'm finding myself drained when evening rolls around.
It seems that all of my updates are roughly 400 words; I can only think in
facebook posts now? Sad, yes.

After all, am I really being that "telling"? Am I coming across just stressed out, worn out, and possibly incompetent (my questions, not putting words into his mouth)?

And then I put it back in. After all, that IS how I was feeling. And, frankly, I'm not sure how that emphasized quantity over quality? My first ministry is to my family, and I try to emphasize that.

As a wife and mother, there are certain things that must be done every day. I have to feed the kids (cook, dishes, other clean-up) and do laundry, floors, bathrooms, plus other basics that MUST be done, and can't all be completed on weekends. The house stuff has to be scheduled in. The kids do a lot of this, and I consider it part of their education. Who wants to marry a slob? How many people end up with organizational flaws that hinder their adult lives? (*raises hand* I learned some things the hard way.)

Crafts also go into homeschool. And it's part of the quality, as far as I'm concerned. I firmly believe in hands-on do-to-learn education. We make. We create. We do art. And it's part of their quality education. It's also a part of who we ARE. Even outside of "homeschool," we do art as a way of life. Teachers and students are all entitled to a life outside of "school."

Behavior-- possibly the most important aspect of education, as this reflects the condition of their hearts and minds. I'm not trying to spread myself too thin; I'm trying to concentrate on each aspect of what I believe defines Quality Education. And, yes, it drains me. As I will assume every other mother and teacher feels at times. Some days I love it, some days I'm ready to quit, and sometimes I just plain don't want to think about so I go through the motions and cut out the extras. That's just the honest truth. But I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

I don’t need or want everyone to agree with me. This is not a Stepford-esque blog, and I am not a cultural robot. You can approach me. You can ask questions about homeschooling, how it works, why I believe what I believe, and you can tell me what YOU believe.

I both welcome and encourage readers across political, cultural, educational, geographical, religious divides to read and embrace what I have to say, or throw it to the curb. I acknowledge that I sometimes fly by the seat of my pants, can spit fire when provoked, and protect my home more fiercely than a lioness. But that doesn’t mean that I cannot listen objectively.

I homeschool; I listen objectively to all sorts of nonsense from well-meaners. I’m well-practiced right now!

Okay, it's a legitimate question: "I wonder how long you can carry this out, especially with the age differences. There is a lot ahead for you to think about." But knowing the intention of the person who asks the question is just as important as the question itself.

For the record, I plan to "carry this out" until completion. Straight through high school. And beyond, if my children end up taking some college courses while they're still in high school, like I did.

In case it's not as well-known as I thought, I was also homeschooled through high school. I loved it, and believe I turned out well-rounded, "socialized" (in a good sense of the word!) educated, and pretty likable... Right?

My parents homeschooled the three of us, all different grades and abilities, and we all look back with fond memories. It can be done. I also know people who have homeschooled from Day 1 and graduated their kids, quite successfully. Not only is it possible, it's pretty standard as far as homeschoolers go. Take a look at the data (not super-current, but the trend has continued.) Regardless of parents' education level, minorities, number of children, homeschoolers outscore. I won't go so far as to defend my position by using my daughter's own scores, but let's just say that she's doing mighty well and I'm a proud mama and teacher.‎ *Ü*

As a friend once said, "Homeschooling is like Cinderella’s slipper. It ain’t gonna fit everyone." Great quote.

It doesn’t take a college education, special training or a degree in special education to give a child the best start. It does take real and genuine dedication to research, read and review, cover a broad range of topics, and the self-discipline to assemble it all. It also takes a stable home with a clear set of expectations and the self-discipline to make sure the environment of learning is created. This is why I'm home a lot. This is why I say "no" to way more outside activities than I would otherwise....a hard lesson learned, for me. This is why I wait to blog until school is done for the day, and why my art waits until evening. I have a lot of work to do, a lot of fun to be had, field trips to plan and papers to grade.

Not to say that homeschool moms don’t waver, second guess themselves or fail. I've never claimed to have it all together. I do claim to love my kids more fully and intensely than anyone. I do claim that my dedication to their educational success is greater than any specially-trained teacher could possess.

I acknowledge that I do not have all the answers, and will never offer my children the “perfect education.” I acknowledge that there will be gaps, as there will be with any educational choice, whether public, private, or home. I hope, beyond my imperfections, that my children develop a lifelong love of learning.

I am confident that they are thriving here at home. I am confident that right now, I am able to provide the tools, security, comfort, drive, discipline, love, motivation, encouragement, educational resources and time that they need. I may be spread thin, but what mother or teacher isn't?

I believe public school teachers have a much harder job, teaching 20+ students, from all different backgrounds and capabilities. They're required to teach all these little people at the same level, and make sure each child successfully masters each skill...especially hard when you don't have the means to "dig a little deeper" if there are family problems, etc. I admire the drive and dedication that so many teachers have.

Believe me, I can handle my four.

I hope that satisfies your concerns. I put all this out there so that other moms can find camaraderie in this journey.

If a family believes that homeschool is the right path for them, I hope they find a support group and companionship in the blogosphere for the journey. And if public school is where your children are meant to be, then embrace that choice and all the benefits that lie within that choice.

I could "play it safe" again and stick to crafts, decor, learning activities (which I still plan to include,) and skip all of my opinions and thoughts...but I'm tired of that. How does the saying go?-- If you hit the target every time, then you're standing too close. I need to stretch out a little. If I'm not challenging myself, then how can I possibly challenge anyone else?

Radical and Crazy Love

**now I'm back. Kids are asleep. Fred is gone. House is quiet. Maybe I can think. And publish this myself when it's done. **

As I was saying, Lately I've been putting so much effort into house, school, crafts, behavior, that I'm finding myself drained when evening rolls around. It seems that all of my updates are roughly 400 words; I can only think in facebook posts now? Sad, yes.

Okay, and, really, it's partly because I don't know who reads this. I know that about 80 peeps visit this online home a day, but I don't want to take the time to find out who (and, really, I consider that an invasion of privacy anyway, but don't get me started.) I share things on FB with approx. 500 "close friends." And somehow THAT makes me more comfortable? I don't know. Weird logic.

This is what's up lately:

I'm reading several new books that I've bought through Amazon and Paperback Swap:

Radical by David Platt, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Raising a Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka , Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey, and A Kick in the Seat of the Pants by Roger Von Oech, to name a few.

Yep, I'm working on many areas of my life simultaneously. I do this so I can grab whatever sounds right at the moment. I can't live out my life in each area separately-- God, marriage & parenting, homeschool, art, mental & emotional health, relationships and ministry-- and I can't put all else aside to get one area perfect. They work hand-in-hand; I may need that "kick in the seat of the pants" for artwork, but it has to come with the raising of my spirited children, while I live radically and effectively for a God who crazily loves me, and I Him.

Phew, mouthful.

Have you read any of those? I'm being challenged in several areas, and would love to discuss the books with anyone who is interested.

I have several things heavy on my heart: adoption is at the forefront right now. We're not financially stable or able. We don't have the space to even qualify. But it weighs on me. I know there are kids out there who need a home desperately and here we are WILLING, open, but unable. It's a sad thought. And when I think of orphanages, mental institutions overseas... all the kids who just need hugs and kisses, safety and warmth and food... that breaks my heart. And here I am, in my quaint little "cottage," living "below poverty" in America, but I have two vehicles paid off, no debt except my house... I have heat and air, plenty to eat, too many clothes and shoes... and yet I'm considered poverty? Really? C'mon, I have a computer. Two actually. And a camera. Cell phones. A tv and dvd player, and so, so, so much more that I don't need. While others go without the very basics.

Guys, I want to go. Part of me desperately just wants to get rid of everything, pack up my family, and take off to care for children who need it. I may not have the money to send, or the ability to adopt right now, but I know I could help if I was there. Ah, and here's where I've crossed the "safety line" on voicing my thoughts. Too much already?

In other perhaps disjointed thoughts, I'm all over the map with what to do in my home. I've been getting rid of a lot of things, and really wish I could live an extreme minimalistic lifestyle at times (if Fred would let me!) Less to care for, less to clean, less to worry about, more room for Real Things. I'm trying to keep what really matters to me, things that make me happy and fill our lives with joy. No more of the "this is what it's supposed to look like." Who cares if wicker is "in" (and I don't know if it is or isn't, just sayin'.) I like bright colors, textures, my own artwork and my kids', hidden joys to find, memories around.

I want reminders, here and there, of what we're really here for. So the other stuff is going.

And on the parenting front, I'm trying so hard to teach with love and patience. I believe in making learning fun and hands-on, challenging but not frustrating. I believe in going at their own pace, but giving enough of a push to show that I hold great confidence in their abilities.

I'll share a recent conversation that I posted on facebook, though:

O (3-year old): "T, I don't LIKE you!"
T(6): {gasps} "Mommy, he says he doesn't LIKE me!"
Me: "For crying out loud, yes you do. O, go to time-out and apologize to T."
O: "FINE. I'm SORRY that I DON'T LIKE YOU."

{sigh} We're not perfect. I'm trying. I'm trying to teach them how to respect & respond, but sometimes I'm just exasperated, you know? I often ask them, "Do I treat you like that? Then why would you treat your brother like that? Is that how you want to be treated?" The boys seem to love each other to pieces one minute and fight like cats and dogs the next. We're working on it.

Now onto my next thought (kids -->school-->art)

I love art. As do my kids. I believe God made us this way, fitted together perfectly,

to take pleasure in it, encourage each other, and develop these skills.

But I ask myself, "For what?" For pleasure? In part, certainly. But I believe there's more.

Did you know that an average elm tree has 6 million leaves? wow.

God was detailed, delighted, amazing... the mountains, sunsets, dandelions blowing in the wind... it was all to shout His Name. Isn't that why, at least in part, he equipped us with creative abilities? For delight and to shout His Name? How can I do that??

And last, for now, I've been thinking again and again about this: The Awe of God. Who am I? I mean really, who am I? One more face? One more tiny little person, among billions. Can I really do anything at all? Well, certainly not as one detached cell. But as a part of a magnificent Body with a purpose, place, and call? Yes! I want this one little cell here to be alive and well, acting in conjunction with the rest of the parts to do something worthwhile. I just need to remember that my part won't be the same as so-and-so's part.

I might be a star peg, but God has a star-shaped spot just for me, as insignificant as I may feel at times.

And so the nightly rambling comes to an end. This is what happens when you turn off the filter for a few minutes. ;)

Thoughts?

whoaaa

And, for anyone who had that last -unedited- unfinished- post sent to you, OOPS. That's what I get for trying to write, a little at a time, with kids still awake.

I'll finish it later. When they're ALL asleep.

Art Night!

Art...

Can Mean So Many Things

To So Many People

Amy painted a beautiful seascape to hang in her new house...Fred did a woodburning of Mimi and Mr.T...Adam rebuilt a chainsaw for a costume he's working on... Julie penned an amazing portrait and used her new Prismas to color it in...

Traci sketched images for a story her husband is writing...Beautiful glowing Traci. Her shirt read, "Made with love"heehee

I art journaled with sharpie pens and prisma pencils...

Do Art.

We'll host another one next month. Come if you can, with whatever "art" you want to do.

Yes, this means you.

Scrapbook, sing, guitar, woodburn or build,

sketch, paint, make jewelry, knit....

INSPIRE.

CREATE.

Proverbs 31 Woman

The Sketchbook Challenge this month is "Highly Prized."

Naturally, I decided to go with "woman."

Because we're awesome. ;)

No, really because this is what we should aspire to be.
The Proverbs 31 Woman is Most Certainly a "Highly Prized" Woman!

10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is
still night; she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is
profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine
linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and
sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have
done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Two friends of mine bestowed me with Hobby Lobby gift cards (hi guys!!) so I promptly bought Prisma colored pencils, new fine-tip markers, and a leather dancing bell kit (yes, seriously.) I'm not at all accustomed to working in colored pencil and, frankly, I'm more than a little scared of screwing up my picture. But I want to expand and jump out of the comfort zone a bit.

Fine, laugh.

I work in sharpies and yet colored pencil terrifies me.

My consolation is that, regardless of how it ultimately turns out, this is MY sketchbook and MY art, and I am not a perfectionist. I'll do my best and leave the rest (P90X stuck in the brain.)

Here is my inspiration picture:

And my sharpie start to the picture:

(Must start where I'm comfortable.)

some colored pencil added...

I'll add more later + my verses and... I don't know, maybe even paint. We'll see...

I have a couple of friends doing the sketch challenge. Anyone else want to join us??

Oh, yes, I am...

...still here, that is. Busy, plugging along, fighting off a cold, and having a pretty awesome time on break. And, yes, we're still on break. Until Monday.
woot, woot.

recap:
Surprise visit from one of my favorite people! October, nice shirt. Looks like something my husband would wear.

Hand-sewn Picasso pillow, totally inspired by Michelle my Belle.

Love, love, love her art and her shop.This is what I do when my Man wants me to watch a movie with him. Some of us can't.ever.sit.still.

Then there was Cooking Club Girls Night Out, to celebrate seeing Jami!

Do I have the most gorgeous, awesome friends or what?!

Erin, Angie, Michele

The preggers: Michele, Megan, Tracy (only two weeks left for Trac!!)

Tracy and me (c'mon, let's all say "awwww")

Megan and Jami

We've been doing crafts and science experiments, field trips, and manners

boot camp during this Christmas vacation. Lots to blog about.

Plus, our 100th Day of School is on Monday. Yippee!!

I'm busy planning lessons and field trips, and tweaking our daily schedule. Plus Art. Lots of art in the works. I'm participating in the Sketchbook challenge, and have been working on my Highly Prized drawing. Please let me know if you're doing it, too!

I'm back, guys, so stay tuned for more... :D

A year come and gone

Goodbye 2010.
I'm ready to see the year go.
While there were numerous blessings, there were too many tragedies, trials, and "losses" (here on earth anyway) to call it a good year.

Mimi went Home in January '10. Has it really been almost a year? I still miss her every day.
My aunt died from cancer shortly after that. I saw her at Mimi's funeral, but not again after that.
Several of my friends went through divorces or near-divorces. One friend lost her son. Two others lost their father. One friend lost her home. My cousin's wife had a miscarriage.
We went through a financially trying time, a job change, church change ... things that paled in the face of what our family and friends were dealing with, but it took a toll on us nonetheless.

We're stable-ish now financially...oxymoron, but that's how it feels. Papaw is living here in our Little Town now, and we've loved spending this year with him. He comes over often to read to the kids and bring food, and usually about once a week to whip us in cards. There are a lot of hurts in my friends' and families' lives still, but I can see healing happening. I expect good things for the new year. For one thing, a LOT of my friends will be having their precious babies soon.
New Life, new beginnings, growing families... the most amazing blessings.

A big shout-out to my bestest girlfriends, my fabulous sisters! Always there for crying or laughing, shopping or playdates, ready to lend a book or bra, what have you. The only people in the world, perhaps, who know when I need lots of time alone and when I need to socialize my heart out. Everyone needs at least one person who really "gets" them.

Here's to a new year.

My resolutions are about the same, I'm simply feeling more focused and intentional.

Blessings to you all!