(Also, I LOVE my Wendy's mug, found at a yard sale several years ago. 
Guy Singleton April 3, 1919- April 7, 2011 
Honestly, we're sad...but it's not in the way we grieved for my Mimi. 
I've gone all deep on you lately. How are you holding up? ;)
Several friends (like SuzanneP, Ellen, my sisters, and other friends/family who don't blog) inspired me to lower my guard, tear down some bricks, and share my thoughts. As much as I enjoy sharing crafts and school activities, I was feeling trapped within my own space. The filter was always there, for fear of ...the unknown, I guess. How would people respond if I "let it all hang out"? Would I make sense, blogging a stream of consciousness?
After some serious thought about the people who inspire and challenge me, I decided that it's as much a responsibility to share as it is a desire. How can I possibly make any difference at all, if I'm hiding behind my surface-level-shield. Even if the difference I make comes from someone disagreeing and therefore thinking about and explaining their own beliefs...well, at least I've done something possibly worthwhile. Does that make sense?
I do believe that encouraging moms to spend time with their kids, prepare crafts and school activities is very worthwhile. I just think we can go deeper still. And, if we're really going to be good parents, we must go deeper. Right? Right.
Yeah. Okay.
Lots of self-examination going on.
Psalm 144:3
LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
On the flip side, I'm not promoting "tolerance"(by the world's definitions) of Wrong, as if there is no Truth. I was just thinking about how "true tolerance" means that, despite our differences, we need to treat every person with the dignity and respect they deserve, as people also created in God's image. We act mercifully to those who believe differently, rather than hit them over the head about how they're dressing, what they're eating or drinking, how they worship, or whatnot. Yeah, let's focus on the soul. No more getting tied up to a Pharisaical law.
And all those words probably didn't clear anything up.
ah, well. I tried.
My next "Bible study" drawing. Brings new meaning to meditating on His Word. I keep my train of thought better when drawing, and have to really examine what I believe, how I feel, and how it should be put into practice...
This is what's up lately:
I'm reading several new books that I've bought through Amazon and Paperback Swap:
Radical by David Platt, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Raising a Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka , Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey, and A Kick in the Seat of the Pants by Roger Von Oech, to name a few.
Yep, I'm working on many areas of my life simultaneously. I do this so I can grab whatever sounds right at the moment. I can't live out my life in each area separately-- God, marriage & parenting, homeschool, art, mental & emotional health, relationships and ministry-- and I can't put all else aside to get one area perfect. They work hand-in-hand; I may need that "kick in the seat of the pants" for artwork, but it has to come with the raising of my spirited children, while I live radically and effectively for a God who crazily loves me, and I Him.
Phew, mouthful.
Have you read any of those? I'm being challenged in several areas, and would love to discuss the books with anyone who is interested.
I have several things heavy on my heart: adoption is at the forefront right now. We're not financially stable or able. We don't have the space to even qualify. But it weighs on me. I know there are kids out there who need a home desperately and here we are WILLING, open, but unable. It's a sad thought. And when I think of orphanages, mental institutions overseas... all the kids who just need hugs and kisses, safety and warmth and food... that breaks my heart. And here I am, in my quaint little "cottage," living "below poverty" in America, but I have two vehicles paid off, no debt except my house... I have heat and air, plenty to eat, too many clothes and shoes... and yet I'm considered poverty? Really? C'mon, I have a computer. Two actually. And a camera. Cell phones. A tv and dvd player, and so, so, so much more that I don't need. While others go without the very basics.
Guys, I want to go. Part of me desperately just wants to get rid of everything, pack up my family, and take off to care for children who need it. I may not have the money to send, or the ability to adopt right now, but I know I could help if I was there. Ah, and here's where I've crossed the "safety line" on voicing my thoughts. Too much already?
In other perhaps disjointed thoughts, I'm all over the map with what to do in my home. I've been getting rid of a lot of things, and really wish I could live an extreme minimalistic lifestyle at times (if Fred would let me!) Less to care for, less to clean, less to worry about, more room for Real Things. I'm trying to keep what really matters to me, things that make me happy and fill our lives with joy. No more of the "this is what it's supposed to look like." Who cares if wicker is "in" (and I don't know if it is or isn't, just sayin'.) I like bright colors, textures, my own artwork and my kids', hidden joys to find, memories around.
I want reminders, here and there, of what we're really here for. So the other stuff is going.
And on the parenting front, I'm trying so hard to teach with love and patience. I believe in making learning fun and hands-on, challenging but not frustrating. I believe in going at their own pace, but giving enough of a push to show that I hold great confidence in their abilities.
I'll share a recent conversation that I posted on facebook, though:
O (3-year old): "T, I don't LIKE you!"
T(6): {gasps} "Mommy, he says he doesn't LIKE me!"
Me: "For crying out loud, yes you do. O, go to time-out and apologize to T."
O: "FINE. I'm SORRY that I DON'T LIKE YOU."
{sigh} We're not perfect. I'm trying. I'm trying to teach them how to respect & respond, but sometimes I'm just exasperated, you know? I often ask them, "Do I treat you like that? Then why would you treat your brother like that? Is that how you want to be treated?" The boys seem to love each other to pieces one minute and fight like cats and dogs the next. We're working on it.
Now onto my next thought (kids -->school-->art)
I love art. As do my kids. I believe God made us this way, fitted together perfectly,
to take pleasure in it, encourage each other, and develop these skills.
But I ask myself, "For what?" For pleasure? In part, certainly. But I believe there's more.
Did you know that an average elm tree has 6 million leaves? wow.
God was detailed, delighted, amazing... the mountains, sunsets, dandelions blowing in the wind... it was all to shout His Name. Isn't that why, at least in part, he equipped us with creative abilities? For delight and to shout His Name? How can I do that??
And last, for now, I've been thinking again and again about this: The Awe of God. Who am I? I mean really, who am I? One more face? One more tiny little person, among billions. Can I really do anything at all? Well, certainly not as one detached cell. But as a part of a magnificent Body with a purpose, place, and call? Yes! I want this one little cell here to be alive and well, acting in conjunction with the rest of the parts to do something worthwhile. I just need to remember that my part won't be the same as so-and-so's part.
I might be a star peg, but God has a star-shaped spot just for me, as insignificant as I may feel at times.
And so the nightly rambling comes to an end. This is what happens when you turn off the filter for a few minutes. ;)
Thoughts?
Jetta and Isabelle, two beauties!
See the line Tate drew? What would you guess?
Love this pic!
And my Man had a birthday on the 15th (I won't disclose his age, but he does have gray hairs now...shhhhh!)
Lots of playdate fun with friends... 
My awesome sister, Julie, dyed my hair. Thank you, woman of many talents!
Fire red streaks are making me happy.
Plenty of messy indoor play--here the boys are playing cars in the snow (flour)
Last, but not least,
We've been in the same boat, of teeter tottering between what's enough/ too much, focusing on the right things, giving (and receiving) with the right heart.
All this to say, being totally broke really takes the pressure off. :) I don't have to worry about getting to the stores at a certain time to get the "magical gift" that will make Christmas a success. There's no debate about how much is too much, because we know we'll get a little of what we can, and that's enough. More importantly, the kids know that. They don't make Christmas lists. They don't ask for things (in part, probably because we don't watch TV, therefore they don't see commercials. Ah, the power of movies over shows!) 
Best of all, I'm spending less time worrying, wrapping, spending, planning... and more time being with them. More time thinking about the Real Reason. More time being thankful for what we already have. More energy into celebrating Advent, than teetering on the commercialism that surrounds Christmas.
We have years of abundance, and that is nice. We do buy gifts for the kids, and extended family and friends, when it's possible. But it's nice to relax and be okay with the lean years, too. Rejoice in every circumstance, right? And, somehow, even though this seems like such a risky time for us, I feel very at peace with it. I can only assume this is a supernatural peace, as I'm usually a rather anxious person. ;)
How do you handle the glut? Is the balance hard for you? Are you having a year of abundance, with full grain stores, or a lean year?
I know so many people who didn't get that. :( I took it for granted. It's all I ever knew, so I assumed it was the norm. I became a Christian early in life. I grew up in the church, and spoke the Christian lingo. 
I don't even know what possessed me to walk so far away. But I do know what caused me to come back. Love. Pure and simple. My parents were angry and hurt, sure. They did everything in their power to pull me back, and nothing worked. But, in spite of my the things I did and things that were done to me, their love never wavered. They never withheld it. And through that "test" I could clearly see that God, too, never stopped loving me. I was grieving Him. He wanted to pull me back. He had the door open, waiting. And, finally, I stepped through, sobbing with repentance, already forgiven. It took longer to learn the "casting off of the old self." I continued, for awhile, to put on "my slave's clothes" rather than walk as His daughter. It's still a daily battle sometimes, to act like the person I am, in light of Him. 
while pretending to live their own "perfect" lives. {shudder} 
He couldn't just let us die. He didn't let justice prevail, or we'd all be goners. He poured out unconditional love, in the form of His own life. I want to remember that Every. Single. Moment, not just at this time of year.
But a recent conversation with a couple of friends made me realize that people don't necessarily realize I struggle. I'm only showing the good (well, except for those dirty dishes pictures a few days ago!) And sometimes, when I'm trying to encourage others, it can be discouraging, if you think I'm running around happy all the time, lining up the next craft and project, never fighting with my husband, never yelling at my kids.
The truth is that our marriage has been a struggle from the Get-Go. When I "tease", telling my friends that our marriage is a daily miracle, it's no joke.
My husband and I were not childhood sweethearts. We'd never even seen each other until a blind date, set up by our best friends, in August of 1997. We had so much fun together! We all went to see some terrible movie (which he loved,) and then walked around the park, went out to eat... right away, I could tell that we were "incompatible."
I love to read, and he didn't see the point.
I really can't stand tv, and he had grown up with it on 24/7. In every room.
I could live on fruits and veggies (and was actually a vegetarian for years,) and Fred has never- to this day- eaten a salad. I'm not even joking.
I'm not an "animal person," and he has unbelievable animal magnetism. Cats just come out of the woodwork.
Fred has an amazing voice, and I can't sing at all. At all.
Fred was brought up going to rodeos, and I was brought up visiting art galleries and museums.
Our backgrounds were utterly different.
We disagreed about movies, food, life outlook, careers, education, you name it. We were both Christians, but neither of us were strong in our faith at that point, and we didn't agree on many major theological points. In fact, I don't think he'd ever even questioned his theology. Or heard the word. Okay, now I'm kidding. ;)
The point is that we were, in all ways, opposites. And you know what they say about opposites. We were drawn to each other like sick little bugs to a light. We had -fun- together. We enjoyed being with each other. I could see his GOOD heart inside. When I met him, his youngest brother was only 3-years old. Fred loved that kid; took him everywhere, played with him, read him stories. Fred sang to me, wrote to me, enjoyed doing anything with me, as long as we were together. I know that can describe a lot of young romances, but I fell in -love- with that man.
And we married 3 months later. Yes, gasp. Shake your head. I'll even repeat it: We met on a blind date in August and got married in November of the same year.
And, let me tell you, that first year was kind-of hellish. We were young and naive, and the "lovey dovey" feelings ended pretty quickly when real-life set in. Plus we had a miscarriage almost immediately. That didn't help.
We struggled and fought. We yelled and cursed. We almost didn't make it.
Then something started to happen, slowly but surely. I started to love my husband. Mind you, I didn't say "fall back into love." No, I started to LOVE him, as a choice. And it became a daily choice... some days were/are better than others. For a long time, I still felt gypped; like I had married a big kid and I was "entitled" to better. Ah, entitlement. Such a stupid hurtful trap.
Little by little, I began to realize what an idiot I was; how many times I screwed up; how undeserving I was. And, through a lot of prayer, I also started to see all of the amazing things about my husband...all of the things that I first fell in love with, plus a lot of new qualities that I had missed noticing in those first few years.
Our marriage has come through a lot, been redirected more than once, and has gone off course on a number of occasions. We've had some high highs and low lows. But every year has gotten better. We used to fight like cats and dogs... now an argument is fairly rare, and we have the growth and prayer on our side, to work it all out.
That said, I'm still living with my opposite, which can make life interesting. In nearly 13 years, we've both come closer to the middle. I watch movies with him often, and sometimes they're even ridiculously stupid and I laugh anyway. He escorts me to art museums, when I want to go. And I think he is starting to enjoy it! I root for his football team (even though I personally have NO interest at all in sports.) He has switched to a semi-healthy lifestyle for me. Think wheat bread instead of white, skim milk instead of whole, bagels instead of ding dongs. I'm saving this man's life, I tell you!
There are a LOT of things we can do together that we both enjoy now, like outdoor activities with the kids, playing games, etc. But there are also a LOT of hobbies and activities that we don't share an interest for. And some things that are a downright source of contention for us.
Now (as if this post isn't long enough already), there are a few important things I've learned:
No marriage is really 50/50. Some things are 90/10. Some 30/70. It all balances out but never assume it’s 50/50. When it looks like he’s getting the bigger/ better/ less-work-share, I have to remember that I also get the bigger share sometimes. Besides, in this marriage, we put in very little of our own percentages; God most certainly did the work, as soon as we were willing. In my own power, this marriage would not have held up. Just speaking the truth. When you get to the end of your rope, then change what you're holding onto!
No one person can/should be your everything. There’s no way for one person to fill every potential need you may have. I was relying on Fred to BE everything that I needed. And, really, even though I wasn't a "tv person" I will still blame this, at least partly, on the media. I've actually heard women say, in all seriousness,"Man, I wish my husband was more like -(insert fictional character)-"
This is real-life. Your husband might not run outside, in a blizzard, to buy you ice-cream when you're pregnant. He might not desire to suck your blood (I'm sorry, I had to throw that in there. Twilight fans, your man won't/ can't/ and shouldn't be like a vampire!) That doesn't mean he's not a fabulous husband. Real-life people have real-life issues. And NO real man, no matter how wonderful, can fill every need you have.
For starters, I needed God in an up-close and personal way.
I promise I won't write all night...
There are certainly things I appreciate about a not-so-easy marriage to a not-so-compatible-husband:
1. He's not a "deep thinker."
Like most women, I can over-think things.
But, with Fred, there is NO hidden agenda or weird games. What you see is what you get. He speaks the truth plainly, and never over-analyzes anything. How refreshing!!
2. He's not a tidy person.
Which means he truly doesn't care if I'm a tidy person. Now this drove me NUTS for years. Still does, at times. I could not understand how someone could just not care if the dishes were done, or if dirty laundry was on the floor. Now I've learned to embrace that about him: He doesn't care, so there is no pressure. That doesn't mean that I don't want a clean home, but it DOES mean that I never -ever- have to worry about leaving the dishes if I want to go spend the afternoon out with the kids, on an impromptu field trip. Fred won't even notice, much less be upset, about anything clean-related.
3. He dislikes most foods that I love.
Which leaves more for me! I love, love avocadoes, and he refuses to even try something that looks that gross. I could live on berries, and he only eats them on shortcake with whipped cream. I love salsa, and he won't touch it. Of course, the same rule benefits him. He loves bacon, and I rarely munch it. He practically needs a Mountain Dew drip going, and I've never finished a Mountain Dew in my life.
4. He's unemotional about the things that totally rile me up. And vice versa.
It's always good to have a level-headed person on board. He gets easily frustrated by crazy drivers, appliances that won't work right, or lost remotes. None of that bothers me much... I get frustrated by people and ideas. We can help each other, as long as one of us stays sane at all times.
5. He's a spendthrift.
It's nice to have a man who doesn't micromanage every cent, and he doesn't question how much I spend on groceries... not that he would need to, tightwad that I am. His spending tendencies have gotten WAY better, although he'll still blow Christmas money from his family before he can even deposit it. If the stores are closed, he'll spend it online that night. Drives me nuts.
BUT he is a good provider, works hard, and has not ever put us in debt. I can go overboard the other direction, insisting that we buy everything second-hand-- car, clothes, shoes, underwear. No, no, I don't really go THAT far. But I am uptight about spending more than we need to, and spending money on things we don't need. I've gotten better in this area, and so has he. It's a balancing act.
That's a good start.
It's still not *easy*. Sometimes it's like we're rubbing each other with sandpaper... but eventually that seems to just smooth us & fit us back together, more snuggly. The differences have balanced, enriched, and strengthened us. Easy or not, this is right. We belong together, differences and all. During church this past Sunday (the man had to work, and wasn't there with me,) I had this mental image of Fred and I hugging in front of the cross, bound snuggly together with rope to each other, and to the cross itself. A strand of three, unbreakable. We can't be our own foundation; we need the strength and support of something much greater, much stronger and more enduring. Because God can make anything work. He has, and continues to, change our incompatible selfish and petty little selves into greatness.
So, yeah. We fight. We kiss and make up. And our marriage may have gone through more spats and spills than most. Don't think it's perfect over here. We're still working on this thing, every. single. day.
Bonus: If you are still up for reading, try We All Married the Wrong Person.
"12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not
a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And
if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with
her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified
through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her
believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they
are holy. "Ah, yes.
But the next verse has been conveniently left off:
"15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in
peace. "
