Night on the town

I didn't drop off the face of the earth, I've just been battling some emotional crap. Family stuff. People who create stress, and make me want to yank my hair out. We all know some, right? {sigh} I try not to write too much when I'm stressed because, really, what good does that do anyone?
Unfortunately, I realize now that this is an ongoing problem. I thought some complications would just {{POOF}} disappear last week, but I'm beginning to understand that it's simply the start of new problems. Ugh.
Where do you fellow bloggers draw the line regarding what you talk about? I'd like help, advice, thoughts, prayers...but not at the expense of someone else. Especially as this involves diagnosed psychological disorders, and it's not just a matter of hurt feelings or a run-in with the wrong stranger. Maybe I'll share some stuff, without relationship or names soon...after some prayer.
At any rate, PRAY about this, if you would. There's a big crash coming; it's simply a matter of time.
~~~
I'm working on more "whimsy art" lately, as it makes me happy.

I'm on an owl kick, much to my kids' delight.



Such a peaceful night on the town, with friends. :)

Doodly Thought Art

Do you ever feel so busy, that you decide to sit and do nothing? That's how I've been feeling lately. And it's NOT that I've been overly busy (well, not any more than usual,) but that my mind has been overworking lately. I figure that's typical when major life changes are taking place all around me. Just hoping it's all finalized and over with soon.
We did finish the fish unit last week, and I'll post more about that soon. We've started on a bird unit this week. The unit studies are helping us all crawl out of our rut, and get the excitement back. Post-Christmas months can feel like withdrawal from a mountain-top experience. Just need to get the bounce back in our step, and let the joy flow again.

I've made myself start drawing again, and can feel the juices flowing. Plus, when I draw, the kids want to draw with me. Great quality time, and encouragement of their talents.

Just had to get the pen moving, and I couldn't stop, page after page...it's a feeling I love. A feeling, I imagine, that writers experience when the characters flesh out and start "moving on their own."

Just start.

Changes...reconciling...

Have you ever met someone so REAL, that you just wished you could let loose and be like that? To totally step out into the light and still be embraced? To say, "yeah, sometimes I'm supermom...and sometimes I am totally NOT."

That's what I'm feeling. And I'm wondering how many other women feel the same way?

Do you go through spurts making crafts and doing fun projects with your kids 24/7....and then several weeks where you can't muster a single puppet from a paper bag? I do.

One of my best friends (my sister) pointed out the other day that I tend to get snappy when I'm emotionally bothered by something else. **Ding, ding** Well, of course. That makes sense. Even when I'm not thinking about "the issues," it's a battle under the surface. (It's great to have someone who will call me out on it when I'm acting like a jerk.)

I wish sometimes that I could be "real enough" to share things that bother me, without fearing what others will think. I just want to blurt things out sometimes. And still get a hug later.

I'm well aware that I'm being irritatingly vague. Sorry.

Life is good. My camera (yeah, the freakin' awesome one) recently broke, which brought me to tears a few times. We'll get it fixed. We will. Fred said so.

I am so very grateful for my children. My home. The warmth and food. The health. I'm so thankful. Fred has a job now, and I am so thankful for all these things. Our lives hold so much joy.

The issues we're dealing with are big, emotional burdens....a lot of "what-if"s, but it will not steal our joy.

I guess, in my tired rambly state, I'm really just trying to say that I don't know how to reconcile the "supermom" with the "loser mom," which is how I feel when I get snappy and tired, unproductive, or just kinda "down" about things. I don't want to only post the fun stuff. I also want to post the real issues. Maybe I need tougher skin. I'd like to talk to someone else who has a slow learner child, someone who can reassure me that he'll be okay. That he'll catch up someday and, even if he doesn't, that it'll be alright. I'd like to talk about my parents' pending divorce and my thoughts about it. But I can't do that. I'd like to seek advice about my 4-year old who calls his brothers "losers" when he gets mad, and says "I hate you," and how that makes me feel like a terrible mother. Even though I know I'm not. And I know he's a wonderful child, usually very sweet and loving. But I've never had one do this before and I just don't know what to say/do to handle it. Usually I simply say, "well, it's fine if you're feeling that way, but I always love you," and then we try to take deep breaths. But still the words haven't lost their appeal to him and my methods don't seem to be working.

Sooo. I think my plan/early New Year's Resolution is to step out a little. Do the one thing every day that scares me, like Eleanor Roosevelt suggested. If God's going to wash the "yuck" away, then I can't keep burying it. Right? Right. Sharing some things is okay. Hiding behind projects all the time is not so okay. At least not for me.

To end on a good note, Fred is off work for the next 10 days! I'm looking forward to plenty of family games, yummy food, Christmas celebrations (even if it will be different this year,) and excuses to dress up. I do love dress-up!! ;) It pains me to think of going through holidays without my camera, but it's certainly doable! I want to get rid of these extra emotional burdens and just focus my energy on the four little people that I've been blessed with.

May you and yours have an amazing Christmas, truly celebrating the Reason for the Season!

Thursday. In the Sketchbook...

Who do people see?

Or what do they see?

I want to see the real person. Behind actions. Behind words. Behind the past.

There's someone inside.

Surrounded by twisters, twisting inside

We are grateful for safety again today.
Last night our small town opened storm shelters, sent out warnings and alerts. We took it seriously and went to my parents' house, with fun stuff packed for the cellar, if the sirens sounded. They did indeed sound, over and over. Tornadoes hit towns to our north and south...west and east. I kid not. Our little town was safe, but there is so much loss and destruction around us.
This was our street on Sunday night, during the first round of storms and tornadoes. It's tough to take decent photos at night, in the rain, while keeping the camera dry... but you can see that the cul-de-sac was full of water.

And then, while we watched the crazy whipping of wind and pounding of rain, there was a loud crack, and our tree went down....

....on our car.

If you recall, we do not have a garage. Back in 2007 or so, we converted it to the playroom/schoolroom. It's more play/sleeproom now, and less schoolroom after I realized that they'd all congregate at the kitchen table anyway. But I digress.

At 7:15am the following day, one of our neighbors came on over with his chainsaw, and helped us cut the whole thing apart. The little boys and I dragged the pieces to the backyard for firewood. Amazingly enough, we had NO damage to the car!!

I'm teetering on how to feel. Part of me is so grateful, happy, blessed that we are safe, that there was no damage, that those I love are all okay. And then I feel almost guilty. My car is okay. But others lost their homes. Everything-- clothes, favorite toys, keepsakes, photos....
some people lost loved ones...children....
There's such a painful overshadowing of my joy.
And, when I was mulling this over, wanting to be joyful for the sunshine today, and my children running through puddles, laughter, raindrops on the flowers...
the ripping inside was painful.
How can I be so grateful, joyful while others are so torn?
I read my Bible and Ann, and that was soothing.
I know the pain calls us to action.
We can be grieving for others,
hurting for their pain,
and that propels us.
While still rejoicing for what God has done for us
in all of the big and little things each day
we pray that He can use us to help.

How have you fared through the storms?

too many ways

I've been unbelievably busy lately, and my mind is pulling too many ways. I start to focus on a particular joy, issue, problem, prayer, and am pulled right back in another direction. Yo-yoing.

***and I wrote that yesterday. See what I mean? Couldn't even get through a paragraph.

This morning, about 6am, Fred grabs me and shakes me. Tornado siren was going off, and my mind had just incorporated it right into my dreams. So glad he was home this morning, and not on the road coming back from work. We waited it out in the hallway, watching the news from there. There were three homes and a fire dept hit in a nearby town. A little tiny town that doesn't even have a siren. Hoping and praying that no one was hurt...

That's all I have right now. Too early, too sleep-deprived, and I'm writing pre-Coffee.

Spinning

Do you ever have those "spinning moments?" You know, when so much is going on, and there are seriously SO MANY things to do, create, fix, clean, and cook that you don't even know which direction to turn? Sometimes this is a bad thing. No one likes to feel dizzy and nauseous, right? However, the spinning is occasionally fun. I might just close my eyes and suddenly stop and point. Okay, I landed on the stove. What should I cook now? ;-)

But, really, boredom is a foreign term for my family. How can anyone ever be bored when there is still so much left to learn, read, do?? Think about? Pray about?

Although I've been very busy lately with school and extracurricular activities, interests and hobbies, I continue to find myself lost in thoughts and memories while I watch the kids play. I suppose when a family is hit by disease, it's natural to reflect on life, goals, decisions, the past and future. (Yes, I sit here "spinning" again...)

My grandmother just had surgery. It was nothing like her last Whipple surgery, but difficult nonetheless.

Papaw wrote,

"this should take care of that terrible nausea and vomiting she has been experiencing for the last two months. But you must realize that it solves nothing in relationship to the tumor--pancreatic cancer. Dr. MacFarlane told us, though, that he saw the tumor and felt it and that it is localized in one spot which is good news because sometimes it just spreads rapidly throughout the whole area. I remind you that the doctor, with our consent, is discontinuing chemo treatments and is ordering hospice care after she goes home.

What you should be aware of, though, is that without chemo and without bowel blockage perhaps, probably, she will have a much better quality of life for whatever time the Lord gives her on this earth."

She has been fighting this cancer for years. Right there, that defeats the odds. Do you realize that pancreatic cancer's 99% mortality rate is the highest of any cancer, and the average life expectancy after diagnosis with metastatic disease is just three to six months?? Pancreatic cancer is the 4th leading cause of cancer death in the U.S. for men and women, and only 4% of patients survive beyond five years. Because there is no cure or early detection methods, effective treatment options are extremely limited. It was a miracle that she could even have the Whipple surgery.

It's easy to NOT think about hard things, right? Until it hits too close to home. For me, death has never really hit close. I've only been to one funeral in my life, and it was for a co-worker of Fred's, a young man I had not met. I grieved for his family, and prayed for them... but the crisis didn't touch my heart like it would have for someone I loved dearly. Do you understand?This is my Mimi, in Monterey, CA in 1998

I have not lost my Mimi yet, and I know I will only be "losing" her here on earth when her time comes. But these times on earth have been so GOOD, and it's hard to let go.
We've been great friends for as long as I can remember.(Mimi and Papaw with 8 great-grandchildren, at my house in 2008)

I used to sit on the edge of her bed while she french-braided my hair and dressed me up.(This was taken at their house in Arkansas, riding on my pony in the screened-in porch,
after Mimi had braided my hair and then my doll's.)

She always let us help her cook, roll out the cinnamon rolls, decorate cookies,

from the time we were very little.(Yep, that picture above is me. Yes, I was a blond. And I wore boy clothes.
And the picture below shows two of my little boys baking with Mimi last year.)

I remember watching her sew, grade papers, host parties, decorate her home... all of the things that I do now as an adult. There were walks by the beach, afternoons for tea parties.(It was a bad-hair-year. I don't know what my Mom was thinking!)

Mimi and Papaw made every birthday and accomplishment a special occasion.

Fine dining for an 8th birthday.

They've never been "too old" for anything! I remember vacations upon vacations, walks and bike rides, swimming and wind-surfing (okay, they just watched me do that!)

Above, a family vacation to Denver, CO. Papaw in a hotel pool with five little granddaughters.
Below, a bike ride while on vacation in Monterey, California (one of the most beautiful places on earth.)
(From left to right: me, Julie, and Amy in front)

So many amazing memories...

Here we're in Mimi and Papaw's backyard. Notice the huge garden & the bike next to our wagon.
We had so much fun there!

This was taken last year. Mimi shows my little ones what she has made for them.

Earlier this year, going to visit Mimi and Papaw in Washington.
I guess it's good to end the post with a sunset.
When her time is over here,
her new dawn will be more glorious than we can imagine.

Trying new homeschool methods

I've been homeschooling since The Artist was in kindergarten, so this makes our 4th year. But I am still learning, adapting, changing things as we go. I guess that makes sense, because my children are also learning, changing and adapting. What worked for us last year may not continue to work through this year. Or last month to this month, for that matter.

There are so many choices and options out there that it makes my head spin at times. I find one thing that will be "just perfect" for the Nature Man. Another tool or book that is suited for Dash. And other materials, of course, that work for my Artist. So I end up with a huge modge podge of materials, with introductions to new things weekly.

Of course, we still have our basic structure that we stick to. Bible in the morning, then read-alouds during breakfast (I'm currently reading Heidi to the kids.) Then we do our meeting time in the living room, with the calendar, clock, and counting. This is when I should do the pledge, but I always seem to forget after the first month or so of school.

~Note to self: start pledge again tomorrow.~"In God we trust..."

I like the idea of the Unit Studies approach, with clear connections under each topic. For instance, a Pioneer Days theme might include reading and writing about the times and people, making a craft representative of Pioneer times and gaining skills by cooking a meal from Pioneer recipes and learning Pioneer songs. I think this would really help the boys. I bought the Konos unit studies and I've been enjoying those. Lots of work, lots of hands-on. I have to really pick-and-choose how much to do, or I won't have time for any of our more classical readings.

I also love the Classical method, which particularly suits my eldest. There is a definitive body of knowledge found in the great books that have been passed down to us through the centuries. I really enjoy the Charlotte Mason method. In addition to classic lit, she emphasizes the importance of being outside and learning from creation, which I love. This combines two of my greatest loves: nature and reading.

All this to say, I know what I like, but I can't always seem to get it all done. I tried the Managers of Their Homes rigid scheduling. I know it doesn't have to be rigid, but if I have a schedule posted, then I tend to let it rule me. We could abide by it until about lunchtime, and then other matters crept into the picture...things not on the schedule. And, since I tend to be a black and white thinker, the moment we were off-schedule, the schedule went entirely out the window. Of course, by lunchtime we had our "serious" work done anyway, and then we could just relax and focus on music and art and being outside. Still "school stuff."

I've decided now that we just need a basic plan. And the kids need to be more responsible for the plan. I can't keep telling them to focus, finish this up, check on that, sit back down, and so on. Frankly, I don't care of they hang upside down and do their reading, just so long as it gets done and they are comprehending it. :-) The more fun the better, right? So I've started the "drawer method." No, this is not a technical term. Heh.

I just have one of those little plastic caddy things with three drawers. The kids each have their own drawer with their name on it. All of their work, readings, etc for that day are ready, in their drawer, when they wake up. Besides Bible and group time and readings, they can do drawer work in any order they want, just so long as it's done by the time their Daddy gets home. Now, granted, there is still quite a bit of oversight at this point, or 1st grade Nature Man would be lazy all day and wait until the last couple hours to speed through all of his work. I do make him work on something, but he gets to choose. He always puts reading last, little bugger.

Every time they finish a page or chapter, they put it at the bottom of the drawer, under the work to be done. When it's all done, the drawer is put back in the caddy. I try to check their work as they go, and have them correct things immediately. Then Daddy looks over all the work after supper. So far this new method seems to be working. I've only had one day in the last two weeks when one of the kids has had to work into the evening. Of course, it was Nature Man.

I'm always curious about the methods that other people use, but I've noticed that parents can be particularly guarded about their schedules and philosophies. Can't say I blame anyone. My mother-in-law commented the other day that the homeschooler down the street from them was "always outside playing after lunch." As if there was a problem with that. I actually laughed out loud at her, and then shook my head in disbelief. Some people are so ignorant. Why shouldn't a child be playing outside after lunch? Don't even public school children play outside during the day, weather permitting? And isn't it best to learn about nature by being in nature? That's the immersion method, right? :-) Believe it or not, children can even read outside. Or listen to stories being read. Mine seem to manage it just fine.

In general, I think that school for boys is much harder. They want to move and wiggle. They seem to have a harder time staying focused for very long....although Nature Man can watch a grasshopper or snake for hours.... so I guess it's really about being motivated in those things that are less fun for him. And finding ways to make things more fun, whenever possible.

Sooooo,anyway, that's us.Just "thinking out loud."

What "Good Girls" do and other rambling knockin'-about thoughts when I'm tired

I am one of those mom's who doesn't go out without make-up. Why? Because I usually feel most comfortable with make-up on. Sure, there are those days that I wish I didn't feel the "need" to put it on. But on the whole, I enjoy dressing up. For me, make-up and clothes are almost an art form. It's fun to experiment, dress-up, and "play pretty." Besides, it makes my husband feel special when I take a little extra effort to look nice for him.

On those days that I just don't feel like it, though, I feel obligated to stay home. The make-up thing, while being enjoyable and fun for me, also turns into a crippling weakness at times. When I really look a mess, I feel a mess. If I don't look pulled together I don't feel put together.
And I feel judged.
Women have a bad habit of judging everything from clothes to hair to parenting choices. So your best friend dyes her hair every other week? So what? Does that hurt anyone? Does it ruin her testimony? Does a nose ring mean you aren't a Christian? Does an extra long hem-line mean you are better equipped to serve God? Long hair or short hair? Dyed hair or natural? Public school, private, or homeschool? House immaculate...or a mess? Live by a schedule, or just one moment at a time? Why do people, especially women it seems, get so defensive when others live differently?

Hmmm....I just wonder what compels women to judge, judge, judge each other?

We should be cheering each other on, not judging and demeaning. We should be helping each other.
Mentoring each other.

Jealousy is rife among girls and women. Women frequently react with thinly veiled jealousy when they see other women come into unexpected blessings or succeed in some way. (A success they either don't know how to, or don't feel able to claim for themselves.)

I know there are many women out there who are emotionally starved. And it must be hard to see other women being fed well, when they are starving for that. The reaction to criticize, to put down and to tell other women that they are behaving in an unacceptable manner makes sense at some level if you are famished and desperately crying out, desiring attention, needing help. So I guess the next time I am criticized, I will just look at it as a cry for help! :-)
(Heh heh-- Not that I am ever criticized for anything!! )

Anyway, I've mentioned before how much I LOVE Mothering Matters. I've never been involved in a group before that so purposely puts Titus 2: 3 and 4 to work. (Older women are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children...) Older women, for the most part, seem to be past all the pettiness. We could learn a lot from that. All the "little stuff" doesn't matter so much. Life is about glorifying God, right? Living for HIM. Banding together to worship, to reach others and be a light for the world. Each of us, in our own walks, can live for Him. We can reach others the way no one else can. If we were all alike, just Christian cloned robots, how could we possibly reach and relate to anyone different?

No, it's the blue-hairdo spiky Christian that can reach other blue-hair spiky people. (Or people who think that hair is "totally awesome"...)It's the public school Christians that other p.s. people can relate better to. It's the homeschooled Christ-followers that other homeschoolers might be interested in talking to. So why do we judge differences? I want to be who I am supposed to be...and if that means I have a bright green living room and short red hair and lots of beautiful children who are homeschooled...well, maybe I can strike up a conversation with someone else who likes bright green in their living room!

At any rate, I know God will use me. For me. And I am trying NOT to care what anyone else thinks. Not that I have been let down by people lately, but I've just been thinking a lot about how we tend to stick to standards, live by the norm, and judge anyone who walks a to a different tune, on the same path.
Romans 12: 4-6 "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith."

Together we are a force to be reckoned with. We are Christ's body. We can make a difference.

Tonight I had a fantastic night with an awesome family. The lovely lady is not only amazingly equipped to reach others, but she desires to with her whole heart. And she equips others to "go and do likewise" simply with the power of encouraging words and a hospitable heart. Ah, what sweet relief it is to be around others who just love others for who they are, differences and all. (Even though I did pull her down with my pathetic attempt at playing Mad Gab. I warned you I was no good!!)

Wendy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I went to sleep in a warm dry bed and woke up on wet sheets with a toddler next to me. I tripped on my husband's size 13 ski-like shoes when I scrambled out of bed. I fell on a dinosaur. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast, the three big kids ate their food, but the baby threw his off of the highchair. A fly landed in my coffee. And I ran out of root beer.

I think I'll move to Blueberry Land.

At VBS drop-off only one child who was old enough would stay. LiveWire wanted to stay, but he isn't old enough. Dang. I had to drag him out of there. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The kids fought. The trash leaked. The milk spilled. And there were...ahem...female issues.

LittleLad pulled all the books from the bookcase. Again. And again. Littlelad broke my candle holder. Littlelad knocked the movies down. And Littlelad screamed when I took him out of his highchair. What's up with that? Littlelad is the easy one!

I think I'll move to Blueberry Land. Babies are always happy there, I've heard.

My CD drive won't eject. My car is squealing. Again. My friend is sad. My other friend is out of work. My other friend is angry (not at me, thankfully.) And another friend is in dire need of help. Yeah...you guessed it...I could tell this was gonna be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

And my wonderful husband. Well, he's even getting on my nerves. New position at work. Better position, but I know there's pressure. I'll forgive the...buggerishness of this evening. (What, that's not a word?)

But, you know, some days are just like this. And it could be worse. Much worse.
Even in Blueberry Land.

I'm prepared for tomorrow! New game plan in place. I'm ready to start a new day. Thank You, God, for new days. The sun sets and it comes back up, fresh and ringing with promise.

Tomorrow TWO kids will go to VBS. And one toddler will get "special time" during Littlelad's nap. And Littlelad will be banned from all bookcases. And he will be happy anyway, because we'll play pat-a-cake and he loves pat-a-cake. (So do I!) The big kids won't fight (prayer item here!) and the van won't squeak (I'll drive reeeallly slow.) I'm hoping for A Terrific, Happy, Very Good, Positive Day. :-)

PS Almost forgot two of the GOOD things that happened today. We had ALL debt paid off (except the house) but medical stuff always sneaks up on us. Usually because insurance glitches something up and we end up owing more than they first said we would be required to pay. But...annnyway, I paid off our only debt...a small medical debt and now it's gone. Woo-hoo.

I also met Shan in person!!! At VBS! And, being the dork I am, I didn't realize who on earth it was until about mid-way into our conversation, and at that point I didn't think I should jump up and down and say "IT's YOU!!" because I had...ummm...already kinda pretended to know who on earth I was talking to, and I thought the sudden realization would throw her off a bit. Like I said, this day was just kinda off for me!

Shan, it was nice to meet you!! Tomorrow I'll act more friendly, now that I know who you are. :-)

Oh, and thanks for saying I'm taller than you expected. I'd like to be tall. I wear heels A LOT.

Maybe a break is due?

Two posts in one day

and just to say

that I may need a break

for my sanity's sake

Too much going on

Too much going wrong

Head just above water

Scared I may falter

There's so much to do

I'll never get through

all this work that I see

but I need to just be

focused on them

and focused on Him

so a break is in order

my posts may be shorter

and farther between

but if I'm not seen

I'll still try to read,

at least that I need

And if I won't write

my time is just tight

but I care for you all

my orders just tall

And when I come back

don't give me much flack

just let me slip in

where I've always been.

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage

"One of the people has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to be insane occasionally. We take turns on who gets to be which person."

-Actor Christopher Meloni

Fred was the sane one yesterday. And today. Do I have to take turns???

Seriously, though, I feel like I've been under oppression lately. Too many things crowding in at once. Instead of being my normal energetic and rather cheerful self (right??), I've become a mess of blubbering curls.

So what do I do with this new development? Pray? Read my Bible? Cry? Call friends? Well, all of the above, but not in the right order. I'll let you in on my not-so-successful coping strategy: I bawl. Yep, I just sit somewhere and eat cookies and bawl my eyes out. Great, huh? I like to cook when I'm anxious, so there are plenty of breads and desserts abounding right now.

*edited*
Some people offer wonderful advice. Some people think they offer wonderful advice...it's well-meaning, but totally the WRONG thing to say!! I had one of those conversations today. So I called someone else, naturally (actually my Mimi, to pray, and then a friend to come over.) Thank the Dear Lord for friends when you need them. This dear friend drove right over and helped, while I took a time out with the Bible.

And you know what? THAT helped. Duh. So why don't I do that immediately?? WHY? I can't claim the new-Christian-syndrome, because I don't even remember when I was saved. Why do I wait so long to run to my Father's arms? Possibly because I feel foolish crying over such little things when there are so many BIG things that other people deal with. You know, who am I to disturb God, right? Sounds foolish. I tell my kids just the opposite all the time, but then I wait and wait and wait before I work up the courage to knock on that door.

I have two verses on my computer desk: 1 John 5:14 "Now this is confidence we have before Him: whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."
and Psalm 144:2,3 "He is my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, my deliverer. He stands before me as a shield, and I take refuge in him. He subdues the nations under me."

I can believe that. I do believe that. Yet I crumble so easily. Argh.

So, I'm setting some goals, and putting them out here for all to see. Why? Because, like Adelia, I believe that sharing your goals with people you love will help you achieve what you desire. I need prayer, encouragement.
First, I need to stop worrying. I know this isn't easily gauged, and everyone worries to a certain extent. But, specifically, I need to release the worry over things of which I have no control. That does no good.

Second, I need to redeem my time. A line in a book last night suddenly struck me: "A person rescues what he loves." Yes, how obvious. But, really, I tend to let the most important things in my life slide while I take care of "everything else." I need to rescue what I love. I need to focus.

Third (and this is directly related to every other goal), I need to get back on a schedule. How can I redeem my time and reduce my worry if I don't have a game plan? I'm overwhelmed. I need my structure back. Right now I feel like I've lost it from every area: church life, finances, homeschool, housework, you name it. Everything has slid away from me. My darling little sister is helping me work on my Home Keeping Binder, which I plan to put into effect on Thursday. Pray on Thursday. ;-) I know it won't be --KABOOM-- change, but that is the start of my implementation!

Fourth, dang I'm tired. I forgot. Oh, yeah!! I need more sleep. I just *think* that I can get away with 5 or so hours of sleep, but I'm not doing so hot apparently. So I'm setting a curfew. And I'm planning to get up earlier than the kids (no small feat), and have my Bible time ALONE. The kids can read in bed until 7am.

Okay, enough for now. Bible time in bed. I need it.

PS Am I stressing anyone out lately? Didn't someone recently comment about me being upbeat or something? Yeah. Sorry about this, guys. "And this too shall pass."

The nest, the work, the tooth

I found a great site on forcing branches, so I used Bradford Pears and Redwoods. They are now blooming in my kitchen, complete with a nest from Jerri. Yes, Jerri redeemed herself and found the nest that she thought had already gone to Good Will. I wish I could post a picture!! I took some, but my computer is not detecting my camera for some reason, and I'll have to figure that out tomorrow. I'm too tired right now.

Speaking of Good Will, my sister has been given the opportunity to do something really neat. She will be giving free haircuts to the children at the local shelter. What an amazing ministry!! Julie is so multi-talented. If you need a hair cut, a cake decorated, a personalized portrait, interior decorating, fashion advice...she's your gal! Someday I'm going to make a fortune being managers for Julie, when she is a famous artist, and my other sister Amy, when she is a world renowned author. Oh, yes, there is talent in my family!

Which brings me to yet another point. How many things can a person do excellently? Looking at my sisters, you'd think that a person can do MANY things and excel at each one. But in my personal life, I find that I can only do about two things really well at any given time.

On the days that I keep the kids on schedule and we get lots of work done, and do it well, I find that I can either keep my house decent or do something crafty. If I try to do "crafty" things with our art time, then we get excited and carried away...and the house goes to pot. On the other hand, I can do lots of crafty things on our days off, and still keep the house decent, but we aren't worrying about school work. I can also trade art for decent exercise, or playdates, or baking afternoons...but I can't do it all.

I just asked some trusted friends about this. They seem to have it all together. You know who you are, with your working Home Management Binders. :-) I'm getting there, oh, yes, I'm getting there. Off like a herd of turtles, as my Mom used to say.

This is about what my day *should* look like:
dishes 2x a day, which takes me a total of 30 minutes (kids unload and put dishes away)
do laundry 2 x a day, which takes me a total of 30-45 minutes (kids help fold and put clothes away)
math 1 hour (yeah, it shouldn't take nearly this long, but it usually does!)
reading 1 hour (Isabelle and Ethan reading aloud)
My Bible time 30 minutes, although I usually start prayinga nd don't spend the whole time reading. Isabelle read sthe Bible aloud, too, so we discuss that.
Bible with kids 30 minutes
handwriting and spelling 30 minutes
geography 20 minutes
history 20 minutes
art 1 hour (heh heh...I have a weakness for art, and we don't always cap the time at an hour)
music 30 minutes (during which time we do "crazy dancing." This is not exactly the typical "music appreciation" or instrument instruction time)
PE 1 hour (read: run and play in yard or park)
cooking, 3x a day takes a total of 1- 1 1/2 hours, longer on days that I bake, too
vacuuming 1-3 x day 20 minutes each time (I have a crawler, so frequent vacuuming is absolutely necessary!)
phone calls 30 minutes, and I only answer when I have to, I really prefer email
bills 30 minutes (this doesn't deserve color!)
walking 20 minutes
night-time reading to kids 20 minutes
baths for kids 1 hour!! Yes, to bath all four it take AT LEAST one hour.
time with Fred depends on what he wants to do. We like outdoor activities, like walking, biking, fire pit, etc. And he likes for me to watch movies with him, so I usually fold laundry at the same time. Then he makes fun of me for not being able to sit still. Hehee.
computer ?
sleep - whatever is left

So, my question to you is how do I fit more in? Or do I try to fit more in? Suzanne just posted about this, too. Would God give us these desires do be artistic, to want to learn and do, if He wasn't going to let us fulfill them? Is this a matter of patience? Should I just wait until my kids are grown before I try to fulfill any of my artsy fartsy urges? Or should I just try to include them more? I can decoupage with them, but sketching a serious picture isn't at all easy with four kids underfoot. And, yes, I can use my evening time to do that... but then "therapy" (blogging) would be out. And if I don't do at least half of my household chores at night, then I take time away from the kids the next day to accomplish those things.
Oh bother, as Eeyore says. How do you know what to do and when and how much?

Quick prayer request, too: My tooth is KILLING me, I mean I seriously just want to grab pliers and yank the sucker out. I think it's abscessed. Pray for healing, or pain relief, and pray that the dentist will take immediate action tomorrow. Thanks!!

A New Addiction

So sue me. I'm addicted to another blog. Can you blame me? I love to read, I love creativity, making things, staying connected to other moms. Not to mention neglecting laundry...yeah, I love that, too.
This site, The Nesting Place, is just soooooo awesome. Why? Because I am also a "lazy perfectionist." I'm willing to work hard, but not necessarily long. I do so much better with short-term goals. Walk every day for a week. aCheck. Eat healthy today. aCheck. Run a 5K in a year. x RRRR- Thumbs down. Can't do the long-term thing. I tend to sabotage myself at the first hint of inadequacy because I fear failure.

Yeah. I know this, yet it's soooo hard to overcome it and have enough faith in myself (really, faith in God, that He will be there when I do fail, and it doesn't matter how inadequate I am...
umm....soooo, on with the post.)

All that to say, this site has awesome crafting/ decorating ideas and they are quick and fairly easy! YEA! You won't have to sew! You won't have to go buy oodles of expensive anything. Just grab something on hand and make something awesome. Voila!

She even has a tutorial on Window Mistreatments. Oh, yeah, that's my kind of decorating.

No, I don't need an intervention yet. I'm still eating..still sleeping (well, as much as can be expected)...yes, still spending most of my time homeschooling and frog-caring. But I'm using these free night hours to read, design, plan, and CRAFT! Because I have several projects going at once and I don't want to discombobulate you, I'm going to post progress pictures on an added link, Wendy*s Art House. A great idea from Sara*s Art House, which I also LOVE. Visit and support these ladies.

Okay, and one more "just about me" thing. ;-)
I'm visual. I need sunshine. Bright colors are a must. That includes lipstick. And, since I'm a girl-y girl, I enjoy wearing vibrant colors & fancy things & having bright hair. :-) Really, color is important to me.

Red is awesome. Flame, passion, excitement, love, vibrance, life, explosion. I love RED. I also love black and white. What would COLOR be without the black and white to contrast? Do you understand why I decorate constantly, paint all the time, scrapbook insatiably, and yard-sale shop for anything interestinge. I'm visual. I feel better when I see pretty things. I feel better physically when I look better. Which is why I never-- and I mean, NEVER wear sweats. I do not own sweats. I. hate. sweats. Not on other people, but definitely on me. And, by gosh, if I'm gonna put on socks, they'd better be cute ones. Striped and polka dot knee-high socks are the best.

Okay, sorry, now I'm just rambling. Strange post, tired mommy at the end of the day. I'm full of ideas, excited to do things...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak tonight. Thank You, God, for a new day tomorrow, with renewed energy! And tomorrow is Mothering Matters day--YEA! That means my cup will be filled to overflowing, and I can "flow out on" and encourage others. Where else can I be with, pray with so many other godly women? Thanking God for this wonderful ministry.