dealing with sandwiched criticism

Ooookay, then. I'm going to do something I've never done: publicly address a private email sent to me. Because, first of all, I don't really know the sender. Second, if this is how I come across, or these concerns are shared by others, then I want to deal with that. And, lastly, this is my space. I appreciate constructive criticism, really. And I do want to know what you think, how you feel. I did specifically ask for thoughts...
I appreciate some of this; good rule of thumb used: if you're going to criticize someone, manage to use a "praise sandwich." Good work. ;) I do appreciate many things you said.

Wendy, you really lay your feelings out big time, something that I could
never do.

I never realized that I was a PEEP, but if the shoe fits, so be it.

I urge you to read your second paragraph over and concentrate on what it means in
reference to the remainder of your written thoughts and wishes. Sometimes
quality over quantity is the better.

You have children that you put a lot of love and effort into for their future. I have been amazed that you home-school all, and I wonder how long you can carry this out, especially with the age differences. There is a lot ahead for you to think about.

You yourself are very multi talented and have the appearance of being very good at each (something others would love to have).

Again don’t overload as this can have a telling affect. I probably said more than I should, but I wish you the best.
Take Care

When I read this, I immediately took out the second paragraph of my last blog post, that he's referring to:

As I was saying, Lately I've been putting so much effort into house, school,
crafts, behavior, that I'm finding myself drained when evening rolls around.
It seems that all of my updates are roughly 400 words; I can only think in
facebook posts now? Sad, yes.

After all, am I really being that "telling"? Am I coming across just stressed out, worn out, and possibly incompetent (my questions, not putting words into his mouth)?

And then I put it back in. After all, that IS how I was feeling. And, frankly, I'm not sure how that emphasized quantity over quality? My first ministry is to my family, and I try to emphasize that.

As a wife and mother, there are certain things that must be done every day. I have to feed the kids (cook, dishes, other clean-up) and do laundry, floors, bathrooms, plus other basics that MUST be done, and can't all be completed on weekends. The house stuff has to be scheduled in. The kids do a lot of this, and I consider it part of their education. Who wants to marry a slob? How many people end up with organizational flaws that hinder their adult lives? (*raises hand* I learned some things the hard way.)

Crafts also go into homeschool. And it's part of the quality, as far as I'm concerned. I firmly believe in hands-on do-to-learn education. We make. We create. We do art. And it's part of their quality education. It's also a part of who we ARE. Even outside of "homeschool," we do art as a way of life. Teachers and students are all entitled to a life outside of "school."

Behavior-- possibly the most important aspect of education, as this reflects the condition of their hearts and minds. I'm not trying to spread myself too thin; I'm trying to concentrate on each aspect of what I believe defines Quality Education. And, yes, it drains me. As I will assume every other mother and teacher feels at times. Some days I love it, some days I'm ready to quit, and sometimes I just plain don't want to think about so I go through the motions and cut out the extras. That's just the honest truth. But I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

I don’t need or want everyone to agree with me. This is not a Stepford-esque blog, and I am not a cultural robot. You can approach me. You can ask questions about homeschooling, how it works, why I believe what I believe, and you can tell me what YOU believe.

I both welcome and encourage readers across political, cultural, educational, geographical, religious divides to read and embrace what I have to say, or throw it to the curb. I acknowledge that I sometimes fly by the seat of my pants, can spit fire when provoked, and protect my home more fiercely than a lioness. But that doesn’t mean that I cannot listen objectively.

I homeschool; I listen objectively to all sorts of nonsense from well-meaners. I’m well-practiced right now!

Okay, it's a legitimate question: "I wonder how long you can carry this out, especially with the age differences. There is a lot ahead for you to think about." But knowing the intention of the person who asks the question is just as important as the question itself.

For the record, I plan to "carry this out" until completion. Straight through high school. And beyond, if my children end up taking some college courses while they're still in high school, like I did.

In case it's not as well-known as I thought, I was also homeschooled through high school. I loved it, and believe I turned out well-rounded, "socialized" (in a good sense of the word!) educated, and pretty likable... Right?

My parents homeschooled the three of us, all different grades and abilities, and we all look back with fond memories. It can be done. I also know people who have homeschooled from Day 1 and graduated their kids, quite successfully. Not only is it possible, it's pretty standard as far as homeschoolers go. Take a look at the data (not super-current, but the trend has continued.) Regardless of parents' education level, minorities, number of children, homeschoolers outscore. I won't go so far as to defend my position by using my daughter's own scores, but let's just say that she's doing mighty well and I'm a proud mama and teacher.‎ *Ü*

As a friend once said, "Homeschooling is like Cinderella’s slipper. It ain’t gonna fit everyone." Great quote.

It doesn’t take a college education, special training or a degree in special education to give a child the best start. It does take real and genuine dedication to research, read and review, cover a broad range of topics, and the self-discipline to assemble it all. It also takes a stable home with a clear set of expectations and the self-discipline to make sure the environment of learning is created. This is why I'm home a lot. This is why I say "no" to way more outside activities than I would otherwise....a hard lesson learned, for me. This is why I wait to blog until school is done for the day, and why my art waits until evening. I have a lot of work to do, a lot of fun to be had, field trips to plan and papers to grade.

Not to say that homeschool moms don’t waver, second guess themselves or fail. I've never claimed to have it all together. I do claim to love my kids more fully and intensely than anyone. I do claim that my dedication to their educational success is greater than any specially-trained teacher could possess.

I acknowledge that I do not have all the answers, and will never offer my children the “perfect education.” I acknowledge that there will be gaps, as there will be with any educational choice, whether public, private, or home. I hope, beyond my imperfections, that my children develop a lifelong love of learning.

I am confident that they are thriving here at home. I am confident that right now, I am able to provide the tools, security, comfort, drive, discipline, love, motivation, encouragement, educational resources and time that they need. I may be spread thin, but what mother or teacher isn't?

I believe public school teachers have a much harder job, teaching 20+ students, from all different backgrounds and capabilities. They're required to teach all these little people at the same level, and make sure each child successfully masters each skill...especially hard when you don't have the means to "dig a little deeper" if there are family problems, etc. I admire the drive and dedication that so many teachers have.

Believe me, I can handle my four.

I hope that satisfies your concerns. I put all this out there so that other moms can find camaraderie in this journey.

If a family believes that homeschool is the right path for them, I hope they find a support group and companionship in the blogosphere for the journey. And if public school is where your children are meant to be, then embrace that choice and all the benefits that lie within that choice.

I could "play it safe" again and stick to crafts, decor, learning activities (which I still plan to include,) and skip all of my opinions and thoughts...but I'm tired of that. How does the saying go?-- If you hit the target every time, then you're standing too close. I need to stretch out a little. If I'm not challenging myself, then how can I possibly challenge anyone else?

Public School Parents' Guide to Homeschool Parents

On a totally different note,

I read this, love it, and must share it:

The Public School Parents' Guide to Homeschool Parents

So You're Thinking About Homeschooling...

I’m not here today to talk everyone into homeschooling or to make you think that just because I homeschool, I think everyone should homeschool. Just wanted to clear that up before we start.

But for those of you who are considering homeschooling…

istock photo
It's been brought to my attention that many newbies don't know where to start. So, here's some help!

Here is a link to HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association.) Even if you decide not to become members, their site has a lot of wonderful information on everything from teaching through high school, to educating special needs children, to current legal issues.

For those in my area...
Here is the link to the Arkansas Dept of Education's forms and laws.
We have two fantastic homeschool groups in the immediate area, that I know of. One is NWACHEA (Northwest Arkansas Christian Home Educators Association ) and the other is CHESS (Christian Home Educators of Siloam Springs.)

Here is a link to Legal Information by State .
Click on your state, and from there it will tell you how to legally get started. Some states, like AR, require an intent form and waiver at the beginning of each school year, but no later than August 15th of each school year. Parents desiring to start home schooling the second semester must file their intent form and waiver by December 15th. Arkansas parents desiring to enroll their child in a home school during the semester must submit a notice of intent and waiver form to their superintendent and wait 14 calendar days before beginning to home school.

Other states, like Oklahoma, have more lenient laws. Many, like South Carolina (where I was homeschooled in high school) have much stricter laws, and tend to not be very homeschool friendly. My cousin homeschools in New York, which also has tougher guidelines.

My advice is to READ a lot about it, talk to other homeschoolers, join a support group as soon as possible, even before your kids are elementary age, if you already plan to homeschool. BUT, don't feel like you have to participate in every activity or co-op. There is so much available, and your schedule can quickly become too full if you let it. I know from experience. ALSO, remember that books and blogs are often idealistically presented. Be realistic. There will be awesome days (a LOT, or so many people wouldn't keep at it,) but there will also be tough days. No family's school day goes smoothly all the time. Don't beat yourself up when things don't go as planned. Smile and carry on. Easier said than done, but good advice nonetheless. :-)

Remember that you are your child's parent. You know them like no one else. You are capable. Really.

The books I've found most helpful are:
The Bible. Don't forget it. Get a good study one.
A Charlotte Mason Companion
So You're Thinking About Homeschooling by Lisa Welchel (this is one of my favorites, as she goes through the daily-ness with different families. No one schools the same way. We are made differently, with different needs and interests. She highlights the uniqueness of each family.)
The Well-Trained Mind
The Homeschooling books by Linda Dobson
The Ultimate Book of Homeschool Ideas
Home Sweet Homeschool
to name just a few! I do love my books.

Links of possible interest:
K12 virtual school (you school from home, but use their curriculum, lessons plans, etc. They provide everything and it's free, but you do have a lot of oversight.) We did this for a year and really did enjoy the excellent resources.
Ambleside Online, a Charlotte Mason approach. This is SO packed with good information, reading lists, grade by grade suggestions, etc.
Lisa Welchel's Homeschool link
Elementary Art Lessons
Heavenly Homemakers (ha- I went to get this link and saw that she just wrote about people who are thinking of homeschooling. Oh, God works in awesome ways, piecing things together!)
Heart of the Matter (SO many wonderful articles!)
CIA The World Fact Book

I also have a ton of free curriculum links on the bottom right-hand link list. Check those out! They include art, Latin, preschool, reading... you truly could homeschool for free, with enough planning. There are unbelievable resources available.

Don't get overwhelmed... and don't even look at this list if you feel at all panicky. Definitely don't buy anything until you rest, relax, pray, and decide what you want to study, when, and how. This is just my style.
That said, some of my favorite things we've bought are:
Teaching Textbooks (here's an example of the geometry one, which we're not to yet.)
Explode the Code books, there are a lot of them, and we use them to supplement
Story of the World books (here's the Ancient Times book)
A Beka readers
Handbook of Nature Study
all of the classics and good lit that go along with Charlotte Mason's reading lists
Spelling Power
Come Look With Me (there are lots of these, and we own two)
Italics Handwriting, Writing with George, and Draw Write Now Books (we've used each of these, for different grades)

We use a huge mix of things, and read lots of history and classics, do tons of art. Our focus may not look like yours or others'. There's a lot more that I would like to do, but simply not enough time for everything that comes to mind. Besides, there are just more important things than another elective school subject or extracurricular activity.

Utilize your library!! We've read almost all of the Shakespeare for Kids books, and I never bought a single one.

This list is not exhaustive, obviously, and I'm sure I've left many great things out. If anyone has another book, blog, website, or other suggestion to share, please feel free!!

If only we all started out knowing how much support, and how many resources were at our fingertips.

Being Informed and Involved, in every way that you can

Politics.

Don't bury your head in the sand at the very word.
House Bill 2144 represents one of the most blatant attacks on homeschooling. It threatens the right of parents to choose homeschooling for their children.

Not only are my homeschooling rights being challenged, but my parental rights are being challenged as well. If this were to pass, it would set precedents in both arenas.

Whose children are they?

If you'd like contact info for your representatives, please google it or jot me an email, and I'll be happy to hook you up with info!

The absolutely fundamental issue is 1) who has the basic fundamental responsibility for caring for and educating the children and 2) then the authority which derives from that responsibility. It should be obvious to everyone that the parents have a much more fundamental responsibility and authority than the state.
Certainly it's clear from scripture that God gives parents the responsibility to raise the children in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 5) as well as the centuries-old Jewish Shema of Deut. 6. Verse 7, e.g., "7. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."
So the issue comes down to the state seeking to usurp the authority and responsibility of the parents. It reminds me of what Hitler told the people of Germany, "We own your children; you don't." [Actually no one "owns" the children except God; but God has entrusted them to your care--not to the care of the state.] Nazi Germany required parents to enroll their children in Hitler Youth and as early as November 6, 1933 Hitler said in a speech, "I calmly say, 'Your child belongs to us already. . . . What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community." And on May 1, 1937, he declared, 'This new Reich will give its youth to no one, but will itself take youth and give to youth its own education and its own upbringing.' It was not an idle boast; that was precisely what was happening.'" Quoted p. 249 William L. Shirer, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, Simon & Schuster, 1959.

-Dr. William Burnside

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.

- William Butler Yeats

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790 American Founding Father & Scientist)

It will be found an unjust and unwise jealousy to deprive a man of his
natural liberty upon the supposition he may abuse it.

- George Washington

Please stay informed. Research bills. VOTE (and I mean in even the "small" elections!!) as well as placing calls and writing emails. Get involved in politics by actually running for office.
Start a PAC, or at least contribute to one.
Don't let others make decisions for you, or you will end up not having any decisions left to make.
Here is a great blog, written my Rep. Mark Martin. Check it out.

Homeschoolers Under Attack

Okay, There is something on my mind and heart. I need to share and ask for prayer.

On Feb. 28 California appeals court ruled parents have no constitutional right to homeschool their children and that those parents who do must be credentialed teachers. This was not picked up by national media until March 6. The shock waves are rolling now.

It arose in juvenile court and the parties had court-appointed attorneys, so even Home School Legal Defense Association didn't know about it until the ruling was issued. It flew under radar, so to speak.

Judge Croskey declared that "parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children." Furthermore, the judge wrote, if parents teach without credentials they will be subject to criminal action.

This could have broad implications on CA's nearly 200,000 homeschoolers -- and set a dangerous precedent for other students nationwide, my children included.

Keep in mind that California schools are the most liberal. We're talking about schools that push the homosexual, abortion, liberal agenda to the hilt.

This is scary stuff. Do children belong to the state? Does the government know better than the parents? If you are a homeschooler, imagine your children being FORCED away from you every day. And if you are not a homeschooler, imagine being FORCED to put your child into a liberal school (or any place that you object to.) This is about freedom.

Please stop now-- right now, just for a second-- and pray. Lift a heartfelt prayer up to God, and ask Him to intervene. Pray for our freedoms and the safety of our children.

You can listen to Dr. Dobson discuss the case, learn more about the court ruling, see what California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says about this, and sign petition to depublish this ruling by using these links.

Click here to read about Hitler's ruling on homeschooling and how it still haunts Germans today, and threatens the rest of the world.
Be informed. Research, get the facts, follow the story.
Be a voice. Christians need to speak up. Defend yourself. Stand up for your rights and those of your family.

And PRAY. God can do anything. There IS power in prayer.

playing hooky from church

Yesterday we went to a nearby National Park for some hiking and a picnic. Yeah, we just skipped church to go. Sometimes I feel so much closer to God while we rejoice in His creation, rather than sitting in a building. It's great to fellowship with other believers, and also necessary...but there's just something missing sometimes. I need the joy back. I need to look up at the sky, face to the sun, and smile, "thank you, Lord, for this indescribable, amazing beauty!!"

Besides, we had to take advantage of the awesome weather yesterday. It's dropped 30 degrees since then. Argh! I reeeeaaaallly need sunshine. Really. Days like today just start to wear on me pretty fast.

So, anyway, I got to talking to a young mother at the playground area, after our picnic and hike. She was nursing a baby girl, while she watched her 2-year old son play. This woman was very sweet...very talkative, and I soon discovered that she is a cross country runner for NSU, and an early education major. She is about to gradate, but wants to stay home with her kids. Only problem is that hubby wants her to go right to work. Hmmm...

I promised to pray for her, for God's leading and guidance. I really feel for her. I'm so thankful that I have my husband's support to stay home and educate our children.

I mentioned to her that we homeschool and really enjoy that. This opened a whole new can of worms. Apparently she had been "homeschooled" for two years, 8th and 9th grade...except that she "did nothing." She said she literally did NOTHING. It was boring and she got terribly behind her public school peers. They had NO curriculum or assignments, field trips, etc. This is was a total shock to me. WHY would someone keep their kids home, with no intention of teaching them? Wouldn't it be so much easier to send them to school?

Anyway, this is now the view that she has of homeschoolers. Do others share that view, I wonder?
Because I can tell you that the vast majority of homeschoolers work their tails off. It's a never-ending, amazing, complicated, tiring, stressful, but completely joyful and satisfying job. Seems like an oxymoron, but that's the only way I can describe it. I wouldn't give it up, even after stressful days like today. It is fun, rewarding. And I learn as much as the kids do! Most of the homeschool moms that I know share this same feeling. We may get overwhelmed, but we stay the course. I do know of a few out there who just don't make school a priority. To those I will say: put your kids in school or make school at home a priority. Not to say that we don't take days off or get behind sometimes...I'm talking about the people who "do nothing" for two years. That just isn't acceptable.

We talked about a few other things: breastfeeding, church, childcare (which is what she is so concerned about, possibly going into the workforce soon.) Fred laughed about it on the way home. Men get to know each other slowly(talking football for 6 months?) , but women just jump right up on their soap boxes and go to town. :-)

Why We Homeschool

Awhile back Ann-Marie asked me why we homeschool. I gave her a vey short version, but promised a fuller explanation later. Well, Ann-Marie, here is your longer answer. This is Why We Homeschool-- 100 Reasons.
Maybe only other homeschoolers or people with no kids should read it. :-) It's like explaining why you're a vegetarian, except that when it comes to kids and schools, people get very very defensive...

quote for the day, as school approaches

"How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about
(arithmetic), and a small career to tell one's own children about the
universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow
to be everything to someone? No; a woman's function is laborious because it
is gigantic, not because it is minute."

~G.K. Chesterton

Absolutes? Sheltered kids?

We had an interesting conversation in SS today.

Apparently there's an issue about a game played last week in science camp. My kids were not there, but they played the same "game" the first week of Wednesday night church. You use the letters of your name to come up with a new name. Some examples of the words on the sheet: buggers, fart, crusty, diaper, poop, etc. So I's new name was something like Crusty Pimple Fart Face. People were discussing the appropriateness of this. For the record, I think we should have higher standards than that.

The discussion turned to responsibility, abstinence, absolutes when it comes to things like alcohol, gambling, and so on. Without divulging the entire class discussion, I'm just going to say that it all needs to come back to the Bible. God does not contradict the Bible. If the Bible says homosexuality is wrong, then it is wrong. If the Bible says premarital sex is wrong, then it's wrong. And so forth. Yes, the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts, but that will never go against what Scripture says. The Bible says we should be in this world, but not of the world. We are supposed to have higher standards, but that doesn't mean condemning or avoiding unbelievers.

I'm also a firm believer in protecting our children. We homeschool for many reasons, but protection is a biggie. I want to protect my children's bodies, minds and spirits. It's not okay to say "oh, well, they'll hear it sooner or later, so I'm not going to worry about it." No, we have an awesome responsibility. Our children truly are our greatest resource. They are a gift from God, and we are not to cause them to stumble. I don't know about you, but this shakes my soul. How can I ever do justice to this incredible task? Only with God's help and through much prayer. Our standards of truth, safety, and so forth can't wane.

I keep hearing people talk about their excitement of the coming school year. I'm excited, too, but I'm also very scared. I want to do a good job. I want to instill values in my children and teach them well. There are so many curriculums, programs, methods... It gets my head spinning at times. I'm excited, but also very aware of the committment and responsibility.