Wednesday, January 9, 2008

another Survey!! I was gonna call it Saturday Surveys, but I can't wait 'til then. ;-)

Well, I must say that I'm surprised by both results of my on-page surveys! I am happy about the last post, though. It feels good to know that my own child isn't the only one going through a tumultuous 3-year old transition phase away from naps.

But, back to me. heh heh. I'm surprised that most of you guys think I should go back to red. Do redheads really have more fun? Fred LOVES that color on me. That's the way it was when we met, so I think he has it forever etched in his mind. I guess I like that in a way. I feel like I've grown and changed so much since then, though, and it's hard for me to go back to that look. Jerri pointed out how strange that is. A link between personality and hair color. Hmm... And, of course,she's right. I love honest friends!! So, if any of you have a specific color in mind, please feel free to email it to me. And, Mimi and Papaw, I know you love my natural color ...but I don't even know what that is at this point. ;-) Aren't grandparents great?

I also just assumed that my kids squealing "MOOOMMMMEEEE" was the norm. But I didn't expect so many "Mommas" (Mamas?) out there. I tried to get Trev to switch today (thought it might sound less whiny, like Adelia said), but he would have none of that. Oh, well.

Now, for a cute toddler saying and baby milestone before I get to the survey part! Wen the tornado sirens were going off the other night, Trevor started to get very nervous about those "tomatoes" in the sky outside. That's all he's been talking about for days. "Mommy, it's windy, is there a tomato coming?" I answered, "yep, there's one in your salad." He just looked at me like I was going crazy.

Baby milestone: Oliver got his third tooth yesterday!! But it's NOT on top. It's on the side, like a fang coming in. How weird is that? All of my other kid got their bottom teeth and then progressed normally to the top ones. Oliver is very much his own little person, though. He's such a sweet, happy, easy baby, thank You, Lord!!

And now for the part you've all been waiting for...Ba-Boom...the survey question of the night is:
Do you let your kids spend the night with others? Kids spend the night with you? We don't do it at all. I think my kids stayed one night with my folks when I was in the hospital having my third. Or maybe my Mom stayed here, I can't remember now. I'd just rather keep it simple and say no to everyone, then try to pick and choose and explain. The only time we've ever had kids stay here is when a friend had her third baby. And that was different. Friends in need can always stay.

And, if you do let your kids spend the night, at what age did you start? I ask because we're being pressured by a relative to let the kids come stay. I'm dead set against it, and Fred is on-board with me. So it's just not gonna happen. But I'm still curious what the rest of you do!


Suzanne said...

We haven't allowed our kids to stay with just friends overnight and we haven't had any friends stay over. However, we do let them stay wtih family and have had cousins stay with us. I'm just not comfortable with overnights yet. I don't know that I'll be able to place a number on their age, just a maturity level. However, Makensie is asking for a slumber party for her birthday this year, so I've been praying about it.

Ann-Marie said...

Hey, Non-Mom here! Just thought I would ask why you don't let your kids spend the night. Just curious. How old is your oldest?

When I was growing up, I spent the night at my girlfriends' houses all the time. We practically lived with each others' families.

Usually, the prime time was Friday nights, but I remember lots of Saturday sleepovers with the parent exchange happening on Sunday at church.

Arato Girl said...

Another non-Mom here who never lets her cats stay the night at other people's houses. Not that anyone would want them to. I think it's good for kids when they're at the right maturity level to stay over at their bestest friend's houses, assuming you know the family well. We used to have so much fun staying at the Acree's and having Rachel over, but our parents were super good friends with her parents. I understand the whole think about it being easier to just say no to all of it so you don't have to explain, but at the same time, the kids might miss out on some fun times that way. So I'll just conclude and say I think you should be selective and prayerful, and remember that you don't have to explain your parenting decisions to anyone.

October Dawn said...

I don't like the idea of sleep overs for my kids. Yes, when Checho was born Diego and Liana slept a few days away from home, since Dad wasn't home with them... but other than that... yeah, my kids have stayed with my parents and I would let them stay with Sergio's mom... but I like them being home with me! Birthday parties are hard enough if it means dropping them off!

thejoyfulchaos said...

mommy always reminded me of "mommy dearest" and it just freaks me out, plus mama sounds so southern and i like that!

i picked red, just because fred likes it. make that boy happy and he'll return the favor!! ;)

our do not stay with others. ever. the only time they've ever been away is when we've been in the hospital with the others. and then we get back as quickly as possible. neither of us are ready for that phase yet. we would've allowed friends over here - i don't mind at all, but then we moved away and don't have any rlfriends. (okay, that just makes me sound sad.) we don't let 'em stay with grandparents, siblings, no one. nothing personal. just not ready yet. go with your feelings, girl, you and fred are doing just as you should!

Ann-Marie said...

I am still curious as to "why" kids should't be allowed to have sleepovers. I was an only child, and I can tell you it would have been a lonely life for me. There's nothing like secrets shared under the covers with a flahlight prropped up, whispering stories deep into the night.

Is there a reason so many of you are opposed to it?

P.S. - Non-Mom, so I AM just curious...not passing judgement or questioning parenting styles.

WendyJanelle said...

It's a mama lion thing. Protection. Things have changed since we were kids.

My first reason is family harmony. If I let the kids spend the night with my sister but not Fred's sisters, there will be trouble brewing. Also, if we have a set-rule aagainst it then I don't have to explain to grandparents why I don't trust them!!

Second, you never know what goes on at someone else's house-- even people you trust. Especially if it's a sleepover. A kid could bring a gun, drugs, explicit material... Or what about their older siblings? Or someone they know that stops over? I had my share of bad experiences that my parents never knew about. I'm not taking that risk with my own kids. No-siree, my kids will NEVER stay the night with ANYONE. Better safe than sorry.

As far as being lonely, it's only night-time that I'm against. We still have playdates, play sports, do church activities. There's no reason for them to be lonely just because they sleep in their own beds at night. I also have four kids, so they can whisper to each other at night! :-)

Mandy said...

Nope... our kids only stay away when we're in the hospital having another one. lol Well, I do have to say that I did finally let Madison stay at her BFF's house the other night for the first time. I nearly cried going to bed b/c I was so worried about her. The only reason I allowed it is b/c I thoroghly trust the parents. Know them VERY well. I'd have many of Madison's friends here to stay the night if they wanted. She's only 6 though and at that age you never know who's gonna start wailing "I wanna go home!" as soon as it's lights out time! I will allow mine to stay at friend's homes that i know the parents extremely well as they get older... it is scary though. I was abused by a trusted relative as a child so I definitely have the gut feeling to not trust anyone, no matter how trustworthy they seem. I will follow my gut though. I felt she would be safe at this friend's house.. so I allowed it. Others.. not so much.

Ann-Marie said...

Thanks, Wendy. I guess I can understand those reasons. With no kiddos of my own, I don't suppose I'll know what to do until the time comes.

It's good to have perspective though...and you're always a good explainer!

trish said...

Here's my 2-cents...for whatever it's worth. As a mom of 5 from ages 5-15, we have entered the world of "sleepovers" very slowly. I will say that we don't have the family issues that Wendy faces (aunts, inlaws, etc...hurt feelings...etc...), so that doesn't play into our situation. However, to keep peace in the family, I think she's wise to make an across the board decision. My oldest 2 are boys that are 12 and 15. It seems to us that the boys just don't really care about sleeping over that much, so it hasn't been a big issue. We have let them spend the occasional night over at friends' homes, but of course, only people we know and whose children have been at our home several times... However, with our daughter, who is 11, it's different. It may be wrong, but I have stronger feelings about her being gone than I do the boys. On top of that, she loves having friends to sleep over. There are 2families that we are good friends with. They both homeschool and we count them as more than just acquaintances...they are good friends that we have complete confidence in. They have girls Katie's age and she has spent the occasional night at their house. I absolutely know that there is no sure way to know everything that goes on behind closed doors, but we also can't live in fear of the "what ifs". Honestly, having a gaggle of little girls over is really not my cup of tea, but I want my daughter to WANT to be home and think of home as a place that is fun. She had her first sleepover party for her 11th birthday...8 little girls. We don't let her do sleepovers very often, so when she does get to do it, it is a real treat. After her party, she was so sweet and appreciative of us allowing her to do it. We have spoken to each of the kids about "good touches" and "bad touches" (not just for sleepovers...but for all the times they are away from us in general), and we make sure there are no guns in the home, etc... It hurts my heart to hear of children that are violated... We just try to be as wise as possible without being gripped by fear of what MIGHT happen. Of course, we may change our philosophy as we go along...

WendyJanelle said...

Ah, Trish, you're a reader? I feel honored! Really.

In your situation, I agree. I probably know the families that Katie stays with, and you are right-- some people can be trusted without a doubt. But there will come a day when you have to explain why this family is okay but that one is not. And then it gets sticky.

But, like I said, our main issue is with family. I love both of our families, but I wouldn't leave my kids with them by any means!! It's only by the grace of God that we both survived childhood! ;-)

WendyJanelle said...

And you let EIGHT girls spend the night with you?! Wow-- you are even braver than I thought!!

Rhinehart Land said...

We do let them stay with my dad, or sister. I don't let Jordyn and zach spend the night anywhere but with family. Blake, does spend the night away from home, maybe 1 time a month. Sometimes, not at all in a month. Just depends. I usally let someone come here, (mainly his church friends) b/c i know the parents and their okay with discipline, routines, and I feel okay to call them if anything is needed. It's scary now days to accept that you can or can't discipline someone else's child. We time-out here with other's children. I won't let them stay if the parent's aren't okay with that. As well, blake will not stay somewhere, that he's not made to mind and do their rules, as they've set them. It's hard in this day and time. ya know. i don't blame you, but would incourage you to let them, as they get older, have that away from home time (maybe not over night, but deff. playtime). It really gives them that independance, and sense that you Trust them and helps them come into their own. :)

Anonymous said...

Wendy, I'd say your family should think about doing FEWER activites, not more, you have company over more than anyone I know and you and your kids do all kinds of fuctions and groups. go with your gut. you don't need to add in slumber parties to have them be socalized. in fact maybe more time together at home right now would be good so you wouldn't be so busy.

Brandy said...

i guess i have a little more laid back view, although this should not be mistaken for lack of trust in those with whom i let my kids stay. from the time my oldest was just a couple of weeks old she stayed with family over the weekend once of month. this was necessary because my husband and i were currently serving in the military, and we could not take our little bundle to drill with us! :) i have some family i let my kids stay with, and some that i don't. it does sometimes pose a problem, but i never felt it was fair to punish the trusting grandparents, or the kids to not get to have a fabulous weekend where they are the center of attention, just to keep the peace with another family member. i can currently only think of 2 homes outside of family that i've let my children stay. we are usually the home the other kids come to. and i like it that way. i want my home to be a place where my kids, and others' kids feel welcomed, and want to come to! hopefully that will remain even through the teen years. (a girl can dream) ;)

Rhinehart Land said...

You all do however, have alot of people and get togethers at your house wendy. That's giving the kids alot of interaction with others, and you do playgroups and such. Overnight time, isn't on everyones priorities. :) You're a great mom, don't second guess your heart!

WendyJanelle said...

I think I riled a lot of people up with, what I thought was, a pretty tame question. I'm not against sleepovers...I'm just against them for MY kids, and I have my reasons.

I'm not second-guessing myself, but thanks for the reassurance anyway.

And maybe things will change in the future. I'm not going to predict what God holds for us. I just know that this is the way we feel led right now. :-) And I'm okay with that.

I am busy, but I like being busy. Thanks for the concern, but we're doing the activities that we want to do, and having lots of fun at it! The kids enjoy their time away from me sometimes, and we also get plenty of at-home time.

Thanks for all of the feedback! :-)

thejoyfulchaos said...

hey, looky! i know brandy in real life!! good to see you here!

and, wow, you did bring people out all over the place!!! lovin' you, girl!