I am tired, but I have so much on my mind, and I'm never alone to even hear myself think. There are always little people needing me to hold them, or break up a fight, explain a word, and so forth. I love my children dearly, but there are times when I just need to be alone. I need quiet. I need no one touching me for a while! But then I look around at my not-so-clean house and I have to make a choice. Will I spend this time cleaning up or will I relax? I want a clean house. In fact, I so badly want order to the chaos that I sometimes think it will drive me crazy.
A few minutes ago, when I was deleting old emails, I came across a personality test. I am an ENFJ (Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging OR "Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition".) It says, "ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments." Ah, yes. That’s me. Fussy. I have four little children, but I want the house clean when I wake up.
A sweet friend of mine gave me an article in the local paper. "A divided heart?" It's a good one. The author says the only thing she can completely devote herself to, with no part being wasted, is Jesus Christ. She quotes Matthew 6:33, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." This is worth a try! Am I focusing my energy on living to serve and glorify God? Will everything else just fall into place? Can I relinquish my control and hand it over to Someone who really does know better than me? Pray that I can.