Agonizing Throes of Threes

My sweet little toddler has turned into a defiant, rascally little bugger, almost overnight. And, because of the extra energy and emotion that it's taken to deal with this astoundingly naughty little boy, I've been much snappier with the other kids, too. ;/ Bad deal.

After a week of this nonsense, I'm feeling rather discouraged, angry at myself for not consistently responding well, and more than a little ticked that he's been such a snot. Mostly mad at myself. If this is a test, it's pretty small in the grand scheme of things, and I'm already failing it.

I did some yelling out loud, more in my head, took my deep breaths, and then still proceeded to need my own "time out" on the kitchen floor (trying to breath while my teeth were grinding.) And, instead of relying on God, having quiet time, or calling for support, I threw my own little pity party. "This isn't US!" "This isn't how it's supposed to be!!" "WHY are they fighting all the time?" "What did I do wrong?" Yes, I did. Right there on the floor. I might as well have been stamping my little foot.

And I wonder where he gets it from. {sigh}

I have been praying about it, usually at night, when the kids are asleep, and I can think loving thoughts about them again. And I'm finally coming up with some tactics. Tomorrow we have a plan. A new schedule. More outside time. More Daddy Time. Firepit planned. A new spot for the time-out chair. Oh, yes, I'm on the ball.

And I have a back-up plan, too! If things turn south, I'll run away. No joke. ;) My Man is home tomorrow (hallelujah, do you hear singing??) so I can run a lap around the neighborhood if my stress level elevates too high. Oh, speaking of stress rising-- My Little Lad saw my deep-breathing today and asked, quite seriously, if my head was going to explode. Perhaps I've mentioned the possibility too often?

I'm also reinstating my late-night art times. How on earth had I let that slide? Got too busy listing books to sell, finishing furniture (my computer desk, TV table, a desk for a friend...) Redoing furniture is fun, but just finishing it isn't "artsy" in my book. I missed my creative time badly.

So, first, you can pray that my boys will not kill each other through the winter. Why must boys wrestle nonstop? Outside it's fine and dandy; go ahead, knock each other down, climb trees, play in the mud-- but when we're stuck inside, they MUST learn to deal with it in a semi-decent way. I put the pull-up bars back in the doorways, but we really need a padded "ball-pit" room, and an indoor playground, complete with climbing wall (Michele, I'm relying on you to invite me over when you finish your room!!)

Second, you can help hold me accountable for my own behavior. I need to pray, seek advice for this new stage from more experienced moms, be consistent with my art "therapy," and take enough time away from them to remember how absolutely fabulous they are. That's a biggie; Fred's shift, plus our recent sickness, have thrown my social life out the window. I miss my friends. I miss being away from the kids, for at least a few hours a week. I NEED to miss them. I hope that makes some sense.

Ah, sigh. Confession helps the soul, too, I think. I know I'm not alone. And I know that anyone who would judge me, simply hasn't walked in these shoes.

So, here's my artwork for the night. My therapy, if you will.

progress:

maybe done?

Not sure if I'll end up painting this or not.

My goal (a bit half-heartedly, maybe) is to post a new piece of artwork every night. Which means I'll HAVE to draw or paint something every day, or at least add to a picture. Fingers crossed.