"One of the people has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to be insane occasionally. We take turns on who gets to be which person."
-Actor Christopher Meloni
Fred was the sane one yesterday. And today. Do I have to take turns???
Seriously, though, I feel like I've been under oppression lately. Too many things crowding in at once. Instead of being my normal energetic and rather cheerful self (right??), I've become a mess of blubbering curls.
So what do I do with this new development? Pray? Read my Bible? Cry? Call friends? Well, all of the above, but not in the right order. I'll let you in on my not-so-successful coping strategy: I bawl. Yep, I just sit somewhere and eat cookies and bawl my eyes out. Great, huh? I like to cook when I'm anxious, so there are plenty of breads and desserts abounding right now.
Some people offer wonderful advice. Some people think they offer wonderful advice...it's well-meaning, but totally the WRONG thing to say!! I had one of those conversations today. So I called someone else, naturally (actually my Mimi, to pray, and then a friend to come over.) Thank the Dear Lord for friends when you need them. This dear friend drove right over and helped, while I took a time out with the Bible.
And you know what? THAT helped. Duh. So why don't I do that immediately?? WHY? I can't claim the new-Christian-syndrome, because I don't even remember when I was saved. Why do I wait so long to run to my Father's arms? Possibly because I feel foolish crying over such little things when there are so many BIG things that other people deal with. You know, who am I to disturb God, right? Sounds foolish. I tell my kids just the opposite all the time, but then I wait and wait and wait before I work up the courage to knock on that door.
I have two verses on my computer desk: 1 John 5:14 "Now this is confidence we have before Him: whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."
and Psalm 144:2,3 "He is my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, my deliverer. He stands before me as a shield, and I take refuge in him. He subdues the nations under me."
I can believe that. I do believe that. Yet I crumble so easily. Argh.
So, I'm setting some goals, and putting them out here for all to see. Why? Because, like Adelia, I believe that sharing your goals with people you love will help you achieve what you desire. I need prayer, encouragement.
First, I need to stop worrying. I know this isn't easily gauged, and everyone worries to a certain extent. But, specifically, I need to release the worry over things of which I have no control. That does no good.
Second, I need to redeem my time. A line in a book last night suddenly struck me: "A person rescues what he loves." Yes, how obvious. But, really, I tend to let the most important things in my life slide while I take care of "everything else." I need to rescue what I love. I need to focus.
Third (and this is directly related to every other goal), I need to get back on a schedule. How can I redeem my time and reduce my worry if I don't have a game plan? I'm overwhelmed. I need my structure back. Right now I feel like I've lost it from every area: church life, finances, homeschool, housework, you name it. Everything has slid away from me. My darling little sister is helping me work on my Home Keeping Binder, which I plan to put into effect on Thursday. Pray on Thursday. ;-) I know it won't be --KABOOM-- change, but that is the start of my implementation!
Fourth, dang I'm tired. I forgot. Oh, yeah!! I need more sleep. I just *think* that I can get away with 5 or so hours of sleep, but I'm not doing so hot apparently. So I'm setting a curfew. And I'm planning to get up earlier than the kids (no small feat), and have my Bible time ALONE. The kids can read in bed until 7am.
Okay, enough for now. Bible time in bed. I need it.
PS Am I stressing anyone out lately? Didn't someone recently comment about me being upbeat or something? Yeah. Sorry about this, guys. "And this too shall pass."